My Love Affair with Alex Kingston
by AEK
Summary: This is the diary of a normal person who fell in love with an extraordinary women.
1. Chapter 1

**My Love Affair with Alex Kingston**

_This is the diary of a normal person who fell in love with an extraordinary woman. _

**The first time I met her.**

The wedding was fantastic, my whole family in one room, simply celebrating and enjoying each other. As we were all staying at the same hotel we decided to celebrate our last night together as a family, all cousins together. It was my turn to go to the bar for another round and there she was. I couldn't believe it sat at the bar on her own was the most beautiful woman I have ever set eyes on. Alex Kingston. She was reading a book and enjoying a glass of wine. I was staring at her when my cousin Jamie and asked if I needed any help. It took me a moment to remember why I was at the bar. He grinned knowing what I was thinking about, that's the problem with Jamie he always knows what I'm thinking. Jamie and I grow up together; he was always been there for me and I for him. For the last 31 years we have been through everything together. As we were waiting for the drinks he turned to me and asked "it was really the woman from Doctor Who?" I answered "I think so". He wanted to ask her for a autograph but I stopped him as she looked so peaceful and engrossed in her book. Everyone deserves a little off time. We rejoined our load group in the corner but I never lost sight of her.

As the night went on the bar got busy, a group of what I think were supposed to be men entered the bar and recognised Miss Kingston straight away. As I returned to the bar for the third time, one of them, drunk, was telling her what he would like to do to River Song. She looked so uncomfortably that I decided it was time to say something. As the barman made up the first tray I turned to Miss Kingston and asked if she would take that to the table and that I would follow her with the second one. She smiled and said no a problem, dropping delicately from the stool she excused herself and picked the tray up. I packed her things up and followed her watching her walk was very enjoyable. As we got to the table my cousins just looked at her and then at me, questioning what had just happened. I simple pulled a chair to the side and offered her the safety of being in a group without having to interact with us. Her reaction was grateful and as she took her bag from me she said that she would just goes up to her room. I told her that she was welcome to stay, she wouldn't have to talk she could just sit with us. She thanked me saying that she was feeling a little lonely and with that she sat down and continued reading.

At some point there was only a few of us left and Alex (as we were told to call her) had joined us, we were still laughing and enjoying the evening before we all left for the corners of the world. We decided to have one more round not that we really needed it. This beautiful woman was also witty and funny, she had us all in stitches. As we finished our drinks, I decided to go outside for a last smoke, I said my goodbyes and turned to say to Alex that it was lovely to meet her and she said she would like some fresh air after all that wine and would keep me company. I couldn't have been happier. As she took my arm, I got goose pimples were we touched. It made me more lightheaded than the Rum I had been drinking all night. We stood together in the night air with a comfortable silence, starring at the stars, I turned to say something and saw her shivering in the night air, I removed my jacket and placed it around her shoulders. She smiled and I was bewitched. We walked back inside and she stumbled, I guess the fresh air didn't do her any good. I place my hand around her waist and guided her to the lifts. As we stood together in the lift she lowered her head onto my shoulder, I held her a little tighter feeling her breathing increasing in speed, as my own did. As we walked to her room all I could think about was how wonderful her lips were and where I would like to have them. We reached her room and I reminded myself that this was a very beautiful, witty but drunk woman, someone that I had watched on TV since I was 15 and someone I had fantasized about. She bent over, trying to get the key card to work. The view was more than I had ever hoped for. It took me a few minutes to realise that she needed help. I took the card from her and opened the door; she smiled and welcomed me in.

As soon as the door closed she pinned me against the wall and planted her full lips onto mine, her tongue fighting for access. At first I kissed back wanting to have her but then I realised that this wasn't something that I did. I pushed her off with a little more force than necessary and she fell to the bed and she burst into tears. I sat on the bed next to her, concerned that I had hurt her and explained why.

"Miss Kingston, you are a wonderful, witty and intriguing person. You are as beautiful on the inside as on the outside and have been in my dreams for so many years. I would love to take you now and relive my dreams in one night but I'm not that sort of person. We had both drunk so much that it wouldn't be right and I didn't want to be a one night stand."

I stoked her hair as she apologized for being stupid and for getting upset. I kept telling her that there was nothing to be sorry about. It was nice and if we hadn't drank so much, the situation would be different.

Slowly she fell asleep, as I got up to leave I decided to take a chance, I wrote my telephone number on a piece of paper with a note that if she wanted to she could call. I took one more look, feeling the temperature between my thighs rise, I kissed her on her forehead and decided it was best to leave.

The next morning I joined the family for our last meal. The conversation was light due to the heavy drinking last night. Jamie asked what happened between Alex and me. I said nothing but I knew that he could see that I was hiding something. As I went to get some orange juice a familiar voice behind him me, "Hello" My breathing became instantly shallow as I turned and saw the vision from last night. "How are you feeling?" I answered, said not great but she looked great to me. She asked if she could see me later. I explained that I had plans with the family and was planning to take the train back to Manchester this afternoon but if she wanted we could get Coffee this afternoon once everyone was gone. She agreed and asked if we could meet here. We set the time and I returned to my cousins with everyone looking at me. I said she was just thanking me for last night. The look Jamie gave me said that we would speak later but I had already decided that what happened last night was going to stay between Alex and myself. Nobody needed to know.

The morning was spent shopping, eating and saying goodbye. Everyone was flying back home - Toronto, Sydney, Spain… we are well spread out. Jamie was the last to leave for the airport; he hugged me and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell him. I wished him a good flight I told him I would ring when I got home. I really miss him since he moved to Germany but it would only be for another year and then he would be home again, that's what happens when you are in the army, you go where you're told. As his train pulled away I headed for the tube to go back to the hotel.

I arrived a few minutes late and she was already sitting in the corner where we were last night. She stood up as soon as she saw me and greeted me with the same smile that had bewitched me last night. We made some small talk and ordered Tea as we both don't drink Coffee. She looked uncomfortable and all I wanted to do was make her relaxed like she was last night, so I told her very simply that what happened last night was last night and no one would hear about it from me. She asked if she could hear about it as all she remembered was being in the lift and then waking up fully dressed. I told her she had nothing to worry about, a miss understanding. She asked how far it went and I told her. Very quietly and sheepish she muttered "I was thinking about doing that all night". My heart started to pound. I didn't know what to say, at that moment I had so many questions. She told me that she had the paper with my number on and was it still okay for her to keep it. I laugh and said of course but only if I could have hers in return. She took my cell phone and typed it in under Alexandra K. We sat for hours talking about everything and nothing; it was so easy with her. I talk about my family and the wedding that we had all been here for, she went quiet and I asked her what was wrong. She explained that her family were in America, that she had left her daughter who was 14 with her ex-husband to come and film here. She said that their relationship was good but over and she was now on her own. I corrected her and told her that she was never really alone.

After a few hours of drinking Tea and talking I had to leave, it had never been harder. As I got on the train the first of many text messages arrived from my new friend, which made the journey more enjoyable. Every time the phone lite up I jumped on it hoping it was her. She had enchanted me and I was hooked.

As I lay in bed that night I couldn't get it out of my head - I was kissed by Alex Kingston.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Friendship out of Texting**

The text messages continued although it got a little harder when she flew back to America. With a 8 hour time difference it was hard to find time to ring and answers to text messages took longer but I was okay with that, she was happier with her daughter and I knew she was still thinking about me. Of course I was thinking about her. I've never been into celebrities and gossip but since meeting her I started reading everything that has anything to do with her. I wanted to know as much as possible. There isn't a lot written about her personal life but I found bits and pieces out. We had been phoning and texting for about 2 months and I had learnt a lot more about her and a friendship was being born.

I headed out with the guys last night. We were all having a great time until my phone lit up. I know straight away who it was and quickly answered, letting her know that I was out having a few drinks and returned to the conversation. The messages went on all night which I enjoyed but annoyed everyone else. Brigitte was the first one to say anything about my phone use. She went on wanting to know who it was and why it is so important. I told her it was a friend that lived in America and with the time difference it was difficult to carry out a conversation. Her reaction was simply that recently it was had to have a conversation with me as I was constantly texting. It was far enough, since Alex went back to America every time we went out my phone went and my thoughts went straight to the smile that had bewitched me. I decided that I needed to pay attention to what was going on in front of me, quickly texting Alex that I would ring her when I got home and packed my phone away. Brigitte and the others were satisfied and we had a great night. As soon as we left the pub and got in the taxi I reached for my phone, there were 2 texts from her one saying that she would be at home all day/night and to not worry about the time and the other saying she would be back in England in 2 weeks. I couldn't believe it, I was finally going to see her again. I dialled all the numbers and took a deep breath. We spoke for an hour making plans for when she arrived and just talking. It seemed like I hadn't heard her voice in ages. As we said our good nights I started to count the days down until I would see her again.

I know it was me that stopped us from doing anything but that didn't mean that I didn't wish every day that I had given in. The friendship that was growing was great and I was happy about that but I couldn't get it out of my mind how she tasted. I know she couldn't remember but for me it still happened and the memory was as fresh as it was that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Little Face Time**

The clock never went so slowly before. I just couldn't wait for work to be over. She had been in the country for 3 days and I was finally going to see her. We had talked and texted as always but finally some face time. I was so excited. The plan was that I would nip home after work, quick shower and drive to a restaurant near where she was filming.

Finally 5 o'clock, Mark and Brigitte walked over to me smiling; they want me to join them for a drink. I made my excuses and headed straight for my car. Have to be quick. Showered and sorted my hair and face, I looked presentable then I jumped back into my VW Beetle and hit the motorway. We were supposed to be meeting at half passed 7 but I arrived at the restaurant that she picked just before 7 pm. I parked up the car and walked slowly having what would be my last smoke for a while. I walked into the small, quaint, Italian bistro and explained that I had a reservation but I was a little early. I sat on the bar and ordered a mineral water. I knew I had to drive and wanted to be able to have a glass of wine with the meal. As I sat there nursing my water I made my mind up that no matter what, I wouldn't go any further than a kiss. After spending so much time talking with her I had started caring about her, she had had so much heart ache before I didn't want to cause any more. I had been single for so long what was a little longer.

She arrived a few minutes early, looking absolutely amazing. She was wearing a black pencil skirt that hugged in all the right places and a chiffon white shirt that you could just see through to her black laced bra. I was speechless. Her bouncy curly hair framed her face just perfectly and that smile, oh my, that smile… She walked over to me a kissed me on the check. I nearly melted from the seat. Her smell was intoxicating. We were shown to a table in the back corner. A few heads turned as Alex walked passed but I was watching the way she walked and wasn't very interested in what other people were thinking. We sat down and started looking through the menu, making small talk. We ordered a bottle of wine and 3 different meals to split between us as neither of us could decide. We talked constantly as we waited for the food to arrive. The food was fantastic but the company was even better. She laughed so sweetly at my jokes. As we waited for desert and tea I felt something brush against my thigh, it was her hand. She had that same look on her face as she did all those months ago in her hotel bed room. We continued to talk as her hand remained in contact with me, such a soft caress. I couldn't stop smiling. The tea arrived and as she went to remove her hand a grabbed it and squeezed it quickly before letting go. She smiled down at the table.

Alex had always been a private person who had tried to keep her private life exactly that, which in this day and age is not an easy thing to do. I was happy to be a part of that but I didn't want to force her into being any more public then she wanted. I was the nobody; I had nothing but her to lose.

We nursed our teas until the restaurant was closing and as we walked out together I offered to drive her back to the hotel. She accepted and my heart jumped for joy 10 more minutes with her. As she saw my car she laughed, explaining that she had the same car back in America, just one other way were we so alike.

As we pulled up to the hotel, I could see that she was as disappointed as I was that it hadn't taken longer. I parked in the parking spaces at the back so that we wouldn't be seen, and placed my hand onto her thigh. I wanted to tell her how I had enjoyed this evening but before I got the chance, she turned taking hold of the back of my head and pulling me close to her. Our lips meet so sweetly, her tongue trying to find mine and this time I allowed it to enter. I took hold of the back of her head, curling my fingers through her hair. Our tongues battled for control and as we pulled away, I scratched her bottom lip with my teeth making her moan and pull back in for more. I not sure how long we were there for but as we finished I stroked her face, tracing her jaw line, down her elegant neck to her delicate collarbone. She asked me if I would like to come up but I refused. She looked a little put out, so I pulled her to me kissing her neck and then her sweet lips. I explained to her, that given the circumstances I thought it was better if we didn't rush anything and that I had to be in Manchester for breakfast with my mum and dad tomorrow. She smiled looking at the floor; I could see that she understood what I was trying to say. I was glad my own heart didn't, all my body wanted was to take her then and there but my brain knew that rushing it would only spoil it. We sat caressing and kissing each other in the parking lot for a while before she turned to leave, kissing me so tenderly. I asked her to come up to Manchester in the afternoon if she didn't have anything else planned, we could go shopping, catch a movie or just have dinner at my place. She looked a little surprised at the offer and said that a home cooked meal would be nice. I offered to pick her up which she accepted and we arranged to meet at 4pm at this spot, which gave us enough time to do everything that we had already planned. I kissed her good night not wanting to let go and I could feel that she didn't want to either. I watched go into the back entrance of the hotel, her curves moving so seductively in the headlights gazes.

I drove home thinking about nothing else other than her smell and how that pencil skirt clung to her the way I wished to. I was so glad that I knew I would be seeing her again in more private surroundings.

Saturday breakfast with Mum and Dad had become a family tradition where all 10 of us fill the family house with more noise and laughter than the neighbours would like. The weather was holding nicely so we ate outside. I normally enjoy this gathering with my whole heart but today my mind and my heart were somewhere else. We are a very close family. My sister and brother are both married with children. My brother Kevin has a wonderful wife and two fantastic children Roshan and Cyrus, my little sister Alisha had found a nice husband and had just had their first child Lilli. Breakfast usually goes on till the late morning but today I tried to pry myself away a little earlier. My father knew straight away that there was something on my mind and as we packed the breakfast things away my dad took me to one side and enquired what was wrong. I explained that I had met someone and that it hadn't gone far but that they were coming over tonight. He asked if I had everything that I needed, which I answered no but I was planning to hit the supermarket as soon as we were finished. Dad had no problem with me leaving early and I said my goodbyes, hugged my Roshan, Cyrus and little Lilli and jumped into my car. It was just after 1 pm when I finished shopping and arrived back to my little flat, I unpacked and started to get organised. Before leaving to pick her up I had made a start on dinner, given that we both have difficultly deciding what to eat in the restaurant last night, I decided to make four different meals that we can both pick at rather than one big meal. I checked that everything was in place, it was only a small flat 1 bedroom, bathroom and open plan living and kitchen area but I wanted it to look the best it could. I jumped into the car a sped down the motorway heading straight to that wonderful smile.

She was waiting at the door as I parked up, wearing jeans and a tight T-Shirt, her hair tied back; she was just a beautiful as she was last night. As she got into the car she passionately kissed me hello and whispered in my ear "no alcohol this time". I grinned and pulled off. We drove peacefully back to Manchester, neither of us making an effort to talk, it was a very comfortable silence. As I drove I kept glancing sideways, she had started to dozed off, I couldn't stop myself from smiling if nothing else I knew this meant that she was relaxed and felt safe with me.

When we arrived at the flat she had been asleep as far as I could tell for about 20 minutes, she didn't seem to notice that the car had stopped. I leant over kissing her neck gently, she moaned still half asleep. I told her that we had arrived and she opened her eyes, smiling, I decided to kiss her neck once more before getting out of the car. Her skin was so soft and tasted so good. She took her time getting out of the car and looked around the garage. It was only small enough for 6 cars. There were 4 flats in my building, two couples and a single man. The garage was empty which I was grateful for. I guided her to the stairs, my flat was on the top floor but it was only 3 flights up. We climbed the stairs without a word, arriving outside my front door she placed her hand on my hip, pulling my body back onto hers and kissed the back of my neck. I tilted my neck back resting my head on to her shoulder and enjoyed the closeness.

We entered the flat I took her jacket and hung it up with my own, I removed my shoes as I always did and she bent down to do the same. I placed my hand on her back stopping her, I didn't expect her to remove her shoes just because I did she told me it wasn't a problem. I showed her into the living room and turned some music on in the background; I opened a bottle of wine pouring two glasses and joined her on the sofa. We sat for a while drinking, talking, she asked about the artwork on my walls and the photos above the fire place. I explained the story behind each of them. We moved into the kitchen as I needed to continue preparing dinner she sat watching at first and then she moved over to the stove stirring the curry that was bubbling nicely. I turned me head to watch her and decided to give in to the urges that my heart had wanted for so long. I placed my hands on her wonderful curvy hips pulling myself against her. She felt wonderful, her body against mine, her jeans hugged her body exactly the way I wish I could. We cooked together till everything was ready. We went out onto the balcony to enjoy the evening air; we sat together on the two seater; simply enjoying each other's company. As it got later we decided to eat, I wanted to set up the dining table so that everything would be perfect but Alex decided we should eat at the kitchen table. It was easier this way but I still believe we would have been more comfortable on proper chairs rather than the stools. I was glad to see that she enjoyed the food, I explained that I learnt to cook from my Grandmother and that most of the food was from family recipes. She had seen my family in their full glory the first time we meet so she knew that I was from an Indian background.

As we finished eating her phone went, it was her daughter. Alex had told me that they speak every day and as she looked at me with those eyes I knew that she felt uncomfortable, so I left everything in the kitchen, took my wine glass and went out on the balcony to smoke. I could hear her soft voice mumbling through the glass but decided not to try and understand what was being said.

I had finished my glass by the time Alex rejoined me, she sat next to me and tilted her head on to my shoulder. I put my arm around her and looked into her eyes, I could see tears in her eyes, I knew it was from the heartache of being away from her child. We sat for a while in silence, I could hear her trying to keep her tears to herself and I wanted to tell her that there was no need. I knew what it felt like to have family so far away, not my own child but people that I loved. She apologised for having to take the phone call, I reacted quickly telling her that family was the most important thing in the world and staying close to them even when they are so far away was and would be always hard on the heart. She knew I understood a little of what she felt and she relaxed again into my arms. As the sun set, a cold wind blew and we decided to continue the evening inside. She didn't feel like talking much after the phone call so I made some tea and we decided to watch a film. As we curled up on the sofa together, I kissed her forehead and brushed a curl that had come loose out of her eyes. She looked up at me with such contentedness that it warmed my heart and other areas of my body. We watched the film in silence although I think she only saw the first half as the film ended I looked down at her, seeing that she was asleep in my arms, I couldn't bring myself to wake her, to move her from my warm sofa to the cold car for the hour's drive back to her hotel. I knew she didn't have to film the next day, so there was no harm allowing her to stay here with me. I slid out from under her and went to make sure that my bedroom was suitable to receive her. I pulled an over sized T-Shirt for her to sleep in and lay it out on the bed for her, found a spare toothbrush and got her a towel from the closet. I returned to find her sleeping soundly on the sofa. I kissed her forehead; she didn't stir so I decided to carry her to the bedroom my double bed had to be more comfortable then the sofa. I laid her onto the bed pulling the covers over her she mumbled in her sleep that she didn't want to be alone, kissing her forehead I told her that she never had to be alone. She smiled and continued to sleep. I watched, stroking her soft skin, wondering if I should join her or leave her and sleep on the sofa. I decided that it would be better if I slept on the sofa. I gathered my things and kissing her softly on her lips, taking one last look at the sleeping beauty in my bed, I closed the door and started sorting out the kitchen. I curled up on the sofa about an hour after I put her to bed and drifted off into a peaceful sleep. I was awake at about 4 am with a gentle touch, as I sleepily opened my eyes I saw that bewitching smile inviting me to join her in the bedroom. She took hold of my hand and guided me in my half sleep state to my own bedroom. As we reached the door I noticed that she had changed into the T-Shirt that I had laid out for her, watching her bare legs get into bed, I didn't feel so sleepy. I got in to bed with this magical creature and lay there for a moment not knowing exactly what would be appropriate or wanted and then I felt the warmth of her bare legs against mine and her head on my chest. I placed my arm around her pulling her as close as possible, closing my eyes I felt like I was in heaven.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sunday with Alex**

Around 9am I awake alone in my bed and for a moment I thought that the sweet caress of that bare leg was just a dream. I looked around the room seeing her jeans slung over a chair I realised that it was real.

I removed myself from the warm bed and saw that the magical creature that welcomed me into her arms last night, sat curled up on the two seater out on the balcony. She was dressed in a pair of my jogging bottoms and that old T-shirt, nursing a cup of tea. She didn't seem to hear me as I walked slowly into the kitchen area, so I decided to pour a cup and join her. She had already made a pot but as I picked it up, it was stone cold, all I could think was how long had she been up. I made a new pot and took the warmer out of the cupboard, the whole time I was in the kitchen I never took my eyes away from the back of the curly mane; it never moved. I carried the milk out with the warmer and returned for the cups and tea-pot. As I looked at that beautiful face, I saw that she had been crying. I poured her a fresh cup and took the old one from her hands, she smiled. Not that magical, bewitching smile from before but a weak, tried smile. I racked my mind trying to think what could have happened to cause the red strikes that now marked her face. I sat back, my mind racing, not saying anything waiting for her to react. I drank my tea slowly, wanting to reach to her but feeling that it was not what she wanted. At first she didn't budge then slowly she reclined backwards, leaning her head against me. I finished my cup without a word being spoken between us.

The phone rang making us both jump. I left her and went into the living room. It was Jamie. We talked for a while about me visiting him before Christmas and how things were going in general. I was glad to hear that the training that he was doing was going well. As I talked to him I started to get breakfast organised, a good English breakfast; eggs, bacon, sausages and toast. This is the reason I love Sundays, I have enough time to cook what I wanted. I nearly dropped the eggs when Jamie asked about Alex, had I seen her again, what happened in London? This was the first time we had spoken since our cousins wedding. I told him that yes I had been in contact with her since that first encounter, but this was not something I wanted to talk about yet. Before he could say anything else I explained that I had company and really should get back to them.

By the time Jamie and I had finished on the phone, breakfast was nearly ready with only the eggs still to do. Alex had come inside and was now sitting on the stool where she sat last night. We finally made some small talk and she seemed to warm up a little. I explained that that was Jamie on the phone, she had met him that night in London, and she smiled and nodded. I asked how long had she been up but the only answer I got was a shrug of her shoulders. We ate heartedly; this is one way where I am just like my dad: food is so important; it brings people together. After we finished eating, I cleared the plates and moving my stool next to hers, I placed my hands on her knees, which had warmed me last night and turned her to face me. I lifted one hand to her face. She let her head fall into my hand, I kissed her lips very softly, and looking into those amazing green eyes that had somehow lost their sparkle I asked her what had upset her. She shook her head trying to pull away saying that it was nothing, she was being stupid. I answered simply "then tell me what you are being stupid about". What she said next would be a theme that we would discuss time and time again.

"I am old enough to be your mother" Yes this was true there was a large age gap between us almost 20 years but that didn't bother me one bit.

"Don't you want someone your own age?" I wanted to scream no but instead of, I answered softly "What I want is right in front of me" I could see that she was getting ready to argue so I slipped off my stool and placing myself between those sweet thighs, face to face and pulled her close, placing my forehead on to hers and told her that I too was scared, scared of how she made me feel, scared of what other people would say, scared of what the press would write, scared of not being able to pleasure her the way men had before but most of all scared of losing her. Over the last couple of weeks I had grown to care about her and not the flirtatious, sassy Ms Kingston that I had watched on the TV for so long but the soft, caring insecure Alexandra that sat on my balcony worrying about what could happen before anything had.

As I spoke her green eyes, never leaving my dull brown ones, started to glow with the magical spark I was used to seeing. She saw in my eyes that I meant what I was saying and more. She may have been older than me in years but there was an almost childish fragile soul inside her, a scared child that didn't want to be hurt. The more I learnt about this complex woman the deeper my affection grew. I kissed her tenderly on the lips and feeling her respond to me, I repeated this more passionately. She embraced me wrapping her legs around me, pulling me even closer to her. As I kissed her sweet soft skin, she whispered that she was scared too of all that and much more. Although I could tell that we both wanted to take this further, the phone rang breaking the mood somewhat. This time it was Alex's cell phone. It was Matt Smith wanting to know where she was and what she was up to. I didn't stay to hear the conversation, the little time we had spent together I had learnt one thing that was very important, she was a private person and I didn't want to force my way into her life. Although it was a lovely morning, there was a heavy atmosphere between us and I wanted to shake that off. I decided to have a quick shower and give her some privacy. Unfortunately my shower lasted too long as when I returned I found her curled up on the sofa, asleep. I asked myself again how long had she really been out on the balcony that morning. I drew the blinds and placed a comforter around her, taking my laptop I sat out on the balcony, writing emails and surfing the web.

After a few hours Alex joined me, apologising for falling asleep all the time, the jet lag had got the better of her this time. I smiled and asked if she was feeling better now. She smiled back at me and with that we didn't discuss our worries further that day.

She didn't want to leave the apartment all day so we made a light lunch and spent the rest of the day talking and watching TV curled up together under the comforter on the sofa.

That evening I drove her back to the hotel, her hand never leaving my thigh. I didn't want the drive to end. We made plans for the next week. I parked in the same spot as before and waited for her to leave. She turned kissing me, firstly on the lips and then down my neck. I felt myself melting under her touch. She whispered in my ear, her breathing racing as mine was that this weekend had been prefect. My hand caressed her small, round breast wishing now that we had done so much more to each other. We pulled apart as another headlamps came into view. She didn't want anyone to know and I was fine with that, as long as I knew that was all that mattered. We said our final goodbyes and promised to write knowing that there was no chance of that not happening.

The next 3 weeks followed the same pattern, a week of her filming and me working apart with the phone to keep us close, weekends in my flat, eating, talking and expressing our affection for each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**My last weekend with my love**

We had spent 4 weekends back to back together each one following the same pattern. Saturday afternoon I would pick her up, in the evening we would watch a film which usually she fell asleep in front of, Sundays together avoiding the world till that dreaded drive back to the hotel.

By mid October her filming was finished and we were about to spend our last weekend together till after the New Year. Working that week was hard, we had two portfolios to get finished before the weekend and my heart and head wasn't really in it. I had planned to leave work early on Friday as Alex and I had decided that we would change our routine to gain one extra night together. As Friday came around my boss started with his "You're not Going Home Until It's Finished" speech, I suddenly felt motivated, I sent Alex a quick text explaining what was happening and that I would do my best but there would be no more messages till I had got the stuff finished. I ate at my desk and got more work done in one morning then I had the whole week. I had finished my sections by the time Brigitte came back from lunch, she smiled. She knew I had plans and that it was important but not why. I walked into my boss's office and closed the door, if I was going to tell him the truth I didn't want everyone to hear. I explained that the person I was seeing was leaving for work and that they wouldn't be home till after the Christmas holidays, all the sections that I was responsible for were completed and if needed I would come in early on Monday. He looked at me pleading for an extra couple of hours with the woman I loved and smiled, he had seen a change in me since August and was happy to know I had finally found someone. He told me to keep my cell on, if he needed me he would call, and to leave quickly and quietly before he changed his mind.

I jumped in my car, ringing Alex as I hit the motorway that I had driven on so many times since meeting her. She answered quickly, sounding so excited that I was on my way; she would be waiting for me in the usual spot. Sure enough as I pulled in she was there, smiling, looking as amazing as ever. As soon as she saw my little car she ran, throwing her suitcases in the back and getting in quickly, she leaned over and kissed me squarely on the lips and we pulled away to start our last weekend together.

As we drove back to my apartment, we started talking about a new film we both wanted to see, she suggested that we went on Saturday. I was so glad that I was driving at the time and could hide my reaction. We had never been outside of my flat on the weekends we have spent together, not even to go to the supermarket I had always made sure that the fridge was stocked and that we had everything that we needed. I told her that I thought that was a great idea and with that I pulled into the garage and parked the car. During the drive my phone went twice, once from work – Brigitte bitching that I got to leave early and the other was my dad. As we got into the flat I quickly rang my dad, as Alex settled herself in, looking for those comfy jogging bottoms that she had adopted. For the first time since my niece was born I wasn't planning to join the family for breakfast on Saturday. We were planning on going out in public for the first time together but I didn't think that Alex was ready for the family experience, I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. I had been pretty cagey with my parents about Alex; they knew that I was seeing someone and that I was happy but nothing more. I hadn't told Kevin or Alisha anything, they too had noticed a difference but I had managed to avoid answering their questions. I knew that if they knew I was seeing someone they would want all the details and to meet her and her daughter someone I still hadn't met yet. I explained to dad the situation and he agreed to make my excuses and keep my secret.

I finished on the phone in time to see Alex changing into her favourite house clothes as she referred to them. I must be the luckiest person in the world I thought to myself. She saw me watching and smiled. I changed out of my suit, Alex standing at the door; she couldn't take her eyes of me. Neither of us wanted to waste any time away from each other.

We sat in our usual spot on the balcony talking and drinking a glass of wine. We weren't planning on leaving the house for the rest of the day. We talked about her going back to L.A and I tried to conceal my unhappiness about her leaving me, but I was happy that she would be able to be a proper mother to Salmone again, something that was important to her. She was also looking forward to not sleeping in a hotel or living in a suitcase. I could understand that. We discussed my missing family breakfast and about my nieces and nephew. The whole time we were on the balcony my hand never left her soft skin, drawing circles on her back. With one bottle of wine finished we opened another and started to make concrete plans for this weekend, what we wanted to eat, what film we were going to watch that night, what we wanted to do on Saturday...

Her phone rang as planned and I dragged myself away from her to give her the privacy that she needed to talk to her teenage daughter. I busied myself in the kitchen preparing dinner so that I would just have to throw it into the oven when we were ready to eat. I loved cooking, something I had inherited from my dad; I enjoyed it even more now that I had someone to cook for. We both finished up about the same time and she took her place in the kitchen as she always did when I was working. I wanted to feel her body next to me, I walked up behind her, and placed my hands on to her hips, I nipped and kissed her neck. She tilted her head to give me better access and realise a quiet moan of pleasure. I loved that sound. Although we had been spending so much time with each other we had still not completed the act of making love, something had always got in the way. I wanted to take it slow but now she was leaving me, there wasn't any time to waste. I slid my hand under her tank top and slowly made my way to her perfect breast feeling a hard nipple I squeezed it gently. She moved her hand placing it on my bottom, digging her nails in pulling me closer to her. I turned her around, releasing her breast; I placed my hand on the back of her head intertwining my finger in those magnificent curls, kissing her lips and caressing her thighs. She locked her legs behind me pulling me closer. With my free hand I started to stroke her through the jogging bottoms that I wished she hadn't found. She moaned into my mouth. That was such a satisfying sound, I could have stayed there forever, making her come, feeling her warmth. I lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom. She may have been taller than me but carrying her was never a problem. We fell on to the bed still intertwined; removing each other's clothes, kissing every area of bare skin we could find. We continued in a state of ecstasy till both of us we more than satisfied. We lay there afterwards caressing each other and whispering sweet nothing in both English and German. We were both fluent in German, she through her mother and me due to work. Neither of us wanted to move but eventually hunger won.

I got dressed and went into the kitchen, switching the oven on and returning with the open bottle of wine. I lay back down with her as we waited for the Lasagne to cook and continued working on our second bottle.

We ate on the sofa that night. I sometimes get the feeling that Alex was catholic, after moments of great joy, she had great guilt. Tonight she started on about family again, didn't I want my own. We both knew that this was something that was not possible with this relationship. She could see that I was getting uncomfortable; I placed my empty plate on the coffee table and took a big gulp of wine. In the back of my head was the fact that we were nearing the end of our second bottle of wine and it was the alcohol that was making her pushing this issue. The wine was also giving me the strength to tell her something that was buried deep in me.

There were few people outside the family that knew this. I explained that just before my 21st birthday I was seriously ill and that I recovered with no major permanent damage except that I would never be able to have children of my own. I could see the sadness filling her eyes; I knew how hard she had fought to have her daughter. I continued to talk about how blessed I was to have my god daughter Amber, who was about the same age as Salmone and my two nieces who I doted on, and my little man who was 3 years old and the apple of my eye. She smiled hugging into me. I finished telling her that my not having a family would never be her fault and that I had everything I wanted right here, in this old woman sat on my sofa. She hit me playfully on the shoulder and then kissed the same spot.

We curled up on the sofa to watch the film she had picked, slowly finishing the last of the wine. About 20 minutes I felt her breathing relax and deepen, knowing that she had fallen asleep. Tomorrow I would have to wake her in the cinema but right now I was simply happy that she was so at peace around me. At some point I dozed off too.

I awoke to the noise of the DVD's menu page, looking around I saw that the candles had burnt down. I stroked her hair, kissing her gently on the face and neck to wake her, she didn't stir. I took her into my arms and carried her to the messy bed that we had made love in earlier that day. Carefully and lovingly I undressed her, she murmured something that I didn't make out and as I got into bed she rolled over to me laying her head on my chest. "I don't want to be alone" was the last thing I remembered her saying before sleep engulfed us both.

I awoke that morning to the most fantastic feeling. Alex was fingering my nipple, tracing the edges with her soft finger. I looked down to see that she was still asleep. I kissed her forehead whispering her name, trying to wake her gently. I was getting turned on by her actions and wanted to share that with her. She answered in her sleep "not now"; she wasn't ready to leave her dream. Alex had talked before in her sleep but never anything that made sense, I decided to take advantage of this. I asked where she was, her answer was "in bed with a bewitching creature" I couldn't help but smile, kissing her again and again. She groaned at the touch of my lips encouraging me to continue. I told her it was not a dream and if she opened her eyes she would see that, her answer was "I don't want to be alone". This made me jump. I had heard her say that so often, the first time being that first weekend a month ago, then I thought that was her way of inviting me to sleep with her but now, it concerned me. I firmly kissed her forehead and whispered that she would never be alone. Tracing spirals on the small of her back, a spot I knew she enjoyed being touched, I drifted back to sleep, still thinking about her concerns.

Alex had told me about her 2 marriages, the first ended in an affair, the second was not so easy for her to talk about so I know that deep down it still hurt. There were problems that they didn't talk about until it was too late.

I was re-awoken by the phone ringing, I tried to answer as quickly as possible as, I didn't want it to wake my sleeping beauty. It was Roshan. My dad had told her that I was ill and she wanted to check that I was okay. I talked quietly, explaining to her that it was just a cold and all I needed was a day in bed. At this, Alex made a comment still more asleep than awake to which Roshan asked who was there. I said no one quickly, and she said that it sounded like the woman from Doctor Who; I explained this away by saying that I had the telly on. With that her father Kevin came on the line, we talked briefly, Alex was finally fully awake, her hand had lowered to between my thighs, teasing me as I tried to convince my brother there was nothing going on.

I put the phone down and kissed her passionately. We expressed our feeling through actions rather than words that morning, enjoying the feeling and taste of each other. As we were reaching that moment of bliss the doorbell went, I dropped my head onto the pillow wishing that we could just ignore it. Alex was on top of me at the time, she climbed off, grabbing my shirt she answered the phone to see who it was; a delivery man. Every time we get going something stops us, this weekend was not going to be any different. I followed her, as we reached the door she pinned me against the wall, pressing her lean body against me, planting her lips on to mine. I pushed back pinning her against the back of the door with one hand with the other pinching her nipple making it hard. I opened the door slightly and signed for the package. I knew exactly what was in there and was glad that it had arrived in time but couldn't it have waited 10 minutes.

We made breakfast together, something a little healthier than the usual fry up. It was lovely, doing something so simply as sorting out breakfast together. We finished eating and the phone went again, this was starting to annoy me. My sister, it was one breakfast I was missing, could they not leave us in peace. We talked a little, but I became sidetracked by Alex informing me that she was going to have a bath and that I should take too long. It took a while to get rid of my sister and turning the phone on silent I went to see what had happen to that offer of a bath.

We dried off after playing in the bath for an hour or so, got dressed and made our way to the favourite spot on the balcony, wrapped in each other's arms we talked the rest of the morning away. Slowly we talked about how we would deal with the distance that was about to come between us, she talked about not waiting to sleep in an empty bed, I saw an opening, I told her what she had said nearly every night and her eyes dropped to the floor and I could feel her weight swift away from me. She stood up without saying anything and went into the kitchen. I sat there waiting for her to return, agonizing about her reaction and what she would say when she came back. I made the decision that if she didn't want to do this now I wouldn't push it. She called me into the kitchen to help her. She had made a pot of tea, so English, whenever there's a problem she goes straight for the kettle. We returned to the balcony, feeling a little cold I left her and grabbed 2 jumpers out of my wardrobe. Giving her my black GAP jumper, I sat next to her placing my hand on the soft thigh, I looked into her green exquisite eyes asking her to tell me what was bothering her, without voicing it. She said nothing at first searching my brown eyes for something and then she decided not to go there. She changed the topic saying that she was going to have to get out of her favourite trousers if we were going to the cinema. I smiled, kissing her; I told her she looked good enough for the world to me. We had time to talk about the bad stuff; we had all the time in the world.

Lunch was nothing special, grilled chicken and salad, we ate loudly, laughing and flirting. I had opened another bottle of wine but we were both took it slower than we had the night before. The air had lightened since being on the balcony, I wanted to ask her again and again but her reaction was so strong that I knew this one would take some time. We got ready to go to the cinema; she wore a tight red jumper and dark blue jeans. It really didn't matter to me what she wore, she was always a vision. She had more make up on then I was used to seeing her with, but part of that was that we had never left the apartment.

As I handed her jacket to her, she caressed my face, I pressed my head into it and then turned kissing her hand, and she allowed her hand to run down the front of my body slowly. I asked if she was sure she wanted to go out and she said yes, she wanted to see this movie and she wanted to see it with me.

We walked to the cinema, hand in hand. The thought of not touching her churned my stomach. As we reached the Cineplex, Alex squeezed my hand tightly and then let go. I understood what was unspoken between us and we continued inside, standing in the line to buy tickets. We bought the tickets and popcorn and headed straight for the screening room. A few heads turned as we walked passed but no one said anything. As we got to our seats I could see that she was relieved, in the dark nobody would bother with who was sat in front of them. We got as comfortable as we could, well it wasn't my sofa and as the lights went down, I leant over to her, placing my hand on her thigh I whispered "now don't fall asleep" she lay her head onto my shoulder and answered "no promises". The film was great and I only had to nudge her twice. We gathered our things and left quickly, a teenage girl came over to us and asked if she could have Alex's autograph, she smiled so gracefully and obliged.

We walked along arms linked, talking about the film and discussing what to eat. She wanted something spicy and I didn't want to spend time away from her in the kitchen so I suggest that we went to a restaurant, I knew a good one.

We walked in and an elderly woman having seen us, walked over to me yelling something in a foreign language and taking me in her arms. Alex looked taken aback; she didn't know what was going on. I turned to Alex, introducing her in Hindi and then in English introduce my Aunt to Alex. Being able to communicate with my Aunt without anyone really understanding, I told her that this was the woman I had been spending a lot of time with and if it was possible could we get a table upstairs, out of the way. My Aunt had recognised Alex from the TV and understood why I was asking; she showed us to our table and simply asked if one of us had to drive. I answered no and with that my Aunt left us. Alex had so many questions about what had just happened as most of the conversation with my aunt had been in Hindi. I explained it all to her and as I finished a young waiter brought 2 glasses of Indian beer, and kissed me on the cheek. He smiled at Alex and left without a word. My cousin, she said he looked familiar, he was on one of the photos on top of the TV and he was there that very first night, although he didn't stay long. I took her hand in mine and she looked around to see if anyone was watching, but there was no one there. The upstairs of the restaurant was only used for big parties or when the restaurant was really full, my aunt had told me that it should be empty most of the night. Alex seemed to relax and started asking questions about my family. My father had 6 siblings, not all living here in England, and there were a lot of cousins, 18 of us to be exact. We were pretty close as a group of cousins; we got together at least once a year and spoke more than once a month. The 8 cousins that lived in England had all worked one way or another in this restaurant during college and this was our usual meeting place. As I finished telling her this the starters arrived. Alex looked confused again, we hadn't seen a menu, she hadn't agonised about what to eat, we hadn't discussed what was good, and the food had just arrived. I told her there would be not any of that, here we don't eat from the menu but we would be well taken care of. She smiled; one of the things she hated about eating out was deciding what to eat. We ate and laughed and talked the night away, at some point 2 other tables were filled and our quiet, private restaurant became full of life. Alex had removed her shoe and had been rubbing her bare foot up and down my leg. I was aroused, enjoying the sensation. As we finished eating, tea was brought up with a small note under one of the cups. Alex poured the tea and I read the note, smiling I showed it to her, telling her what it said. The note was written in Hindi and said that my aunt hoped we enjoyed the food and that there was no charge. I showed her where her and my names were, she thought it was beautiful and asked if she could keep it.

We left the restaurant full of food and beer. We walked home slowly, arms wrapped around each other's waists. Alex stumbled a couple of times and I remembered the effect of fresh air had on her in London. We arrived back at the flat and climbed the stairs together stopping on each landing to kiss and hold each other. As we got into the flat she let out a sigh of happiness, announcing that she was home. As she hung her jacket up I grabbed her from behind pulling her close to me, kissing and gently biting her neck and shoulders, she moaned pleasurably as I enjoyed her neck. We moved onto the sofa and continued kissing every available spot.

That night I woke hearing her sobs; she had rolled to the end of the bed and flinched at my touch. I got out of bed and walked round to her side. My eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness; I bent down lifting a curl from her face. Her eyes were shut and she didn't seem to be aware of me. "Alex honey, what is it?" I asked. There came no response. I repeated my question 3 times before she said anything. "I don't want to" was the only answer I received, she turned away from where I was standing and it was clear to me that this was her sleep talking again. I walked back round the bed and got in. I watched her for a while battling some demon before I started to fall asleep. I was just about to give in to the wave of tiredness that had hit me when Alex screamed and sat bolt upright in bed. I didn't know what to do, stay still and pretending that I was still sleeping or sit up and take her in my arms. She started to take control, telling herself that she was only dreaming and that she wasn't alone. I lay still listening to her, wanting to hold her but knowing that was not what she wanted. She lowered herself back into the bed still whispering to herself that she wasn't alone and that it was just a dream. She stroked my hair gently, kissing my cheek. I reacted, nuzzling my face into her chest; I placed my arm around her slender waist waited for her to fall asleep. I didn't sleep well that night. Her scream still echoed in my mind.

As the sun rose I decided to give up, releasing myself from Alex's warm grip I made a cup of tea and went out on the balcony. The early morning air was cold; I sat on the two seater and wrapped the comforter around me. During the whole time I had known her, there had always been a part of her she kept from me, which until now didn't really bother me. Getting to know Alex was like pealing an onion, there was always another layer. Due to only seeing her on the weekends we had both tried to enjoy the little time we had, only dealing with want we had to. Today was our last day together; tomorrow she would be on the other side of the world. I finished my cup and decided that I should be with her rather than worrying about it here outside. I placed the cup on the table and rejoined her. She was wonderfully warm and reacted to my presence by shuffling closer to me laying her hand and head in their usual spot. I kissed her forehead and she muttered "you left me". I answered "yes but I always come back, I adore you Alex". "Me too", she answered half asleep. Whatever problems we had to deal with, we would deal with together when both of us were wide awake. I allowed myself to drift back to sleep engulfed in her touch and smell.

We slept long into the morning; I was woken by her cell phone ringing. She moaned. She didn't want to move, I didn't either. Slowly Alex sat up searching and finally grabbing her phone, she answered it. It was her sister, I decided to leave her to it and make some tea. It was 11 o'clock; we had wasted our last morning together. Well not wasted but it wasn't how I pictured our last morning. I set everything up out on the balcony and waited for her to join me. It didn't take long. Her sister just wanted to say goodbye and wish her a safe journey. We drank tea and decided how to spend our remaining hours together. Her flight was late that evening. We had already discussed about her getting to the airport, she wanted to take a taxi so we could say our goodbyes in private. I however wanted to go to the airport, if it meant 10 minutes more with her then I would take them; it was going to be hard.

Each Sunday night as I dropped her off it was hard but knowing that Saturday would come made it all the easier. This time would be different, this time it would be for at least 2 months depending on what happened with her work. I pushed these thoughts into the back of my mind, trying to simply enjoy what time we had.

The plan was simple a late breakfast, followed by a day at home, talking and maybe a film. She referred to it as nothing special but we both knew that it was.

As we sat together on the 2 seater, as close as we could be, I enquired what she had dreamt about that night. She went as white as a ghost, and said that she didn't realise that I was awake. I explained what I had witnessed; slowly she regained some colour in her face. She wouldn't tell me exactly what had happened, claiming that she couldn't remember. From her reaction I knew she was lying but I gave her that one. She talked about how every time she has felt safe with someone, things started to fall apart. In both marriages there were many nights where she slept alone in a cold bed, not knowing where or with who her loved one was. She had been through so much heartache, trusting the wrong person but each time had started out like we were; happy and content with just being near to each other. I could see the tears in her eyes; I pulled her close and told her that, that was then and this is now. Our situation was different and we would find a way to make it work.

We sat peacefully together for a little while before heading inside to make breakfast. I loved cooking with her, both of us dancing around my little kitchen, music playing in the background.

I now knew what her murmurings in the night was all about, I didn't like it and couldn't change it but at least I understood it. This was again one of those moments when I realised how fragile her heart was.

We ate in our usual places around the kitchen table. I was always amazed how easily the mood can change between us, about an hour before we were sat giggling and eating, we were on the balcony Alex shedding tears of heartbreak. I was glad to see that she was getting back to her old self. She kept looking at the delivery box that had arrived yesterday, I hadn't opened it yet, I hadn't had time, I was busy with her and hadn't given it a second thought.

We tidied the kitchen and moved back out on the balcony. I could see it killing her that the package just sat there on the table. Finally she asked about it, I had been waiting all morning for her to say something. I told her if she wanted she could open it, it was for her any way; a going away present. Her eyes lit up and she rushed to get it. I got up and followed her in, disappearing into the bedroom returning with another small box that I had been hiding. I had planned to do this later but seeing her excitement I thought it might be better to do this before all the emotions started. I joined her back on the balcony. She was just like Roshan on Christmas day, bouncing the gift on her knee while waiting impatiently for everyone else to get settled and for her mum to say she could start. I smiled and told her to go ahead, handing her a knife that I had picked up from the kitchen to make it easier for her. She didn't waste any time. As she opened the box she let out a sweet laugh. She had found in the box a pair of grey jogging or house pants as she had taken to calling them. I explained that she was to take the old ones with her and leave the new ones here for when she returned. She like the idea and placed the box down on the floor, she leant over kissing be thankfully, expressing her gratitude without words. I liked this way of saying thanks. Eager to get a second one, I took hold of her hand, placed a kiss on it and placed the small box on top of the kiss. She looked confused, one gift was enough and knowing that she didn't have to part with those lovely lived in pants was enough. She opened it slowly, a lot slower that the first gift. I hoped that her react would be the same as before. She was teasing me, drawing it out for all it was worth. She opened it and gasped. Her eyes clouded up with tears and she pulled me close as she could. We embraced each other and Alex whispered into my ear thank you. I kissed her neck feeling her breathing become shallow, I continued kissing and caressing her, the more I did the closer she pulled me. I picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom still clutching that small box. We were more passionate that time than any other time.

As we lay there entangled in each other, I reached over to the dresser where Alex had placed that precious box; removing it I placed the silver charm bracelet round her delicate wrist and whispered into her ear "now she would never be without me". There were 3 charms already on the bracelet, each one relating to some part of our lives together. We lay there kissing and caressing and never wanting this moment to end.

Eventually Alex got up and reaching into her bag she pulled out a small box almost the same size as the one I gave her. I sat up. It was so beautifully wrapped that I didn't want to open it. Alex looked at me and seeing my hesitation explained that she was going to leave it under my pillow before she left but giving that she was already wearing hers, she felt I should have mine. I smiled and slowly removed the ribbon, opening the box I saw a large locket on a chain. I took it out of the box, holding it up to the light I saw that it was engraved, "With You Always – AK". I looked into her eyes, both of us welling up with tears of both joy and sadness. Alex took the locket from me and sitting behind me, she placed it round my neck. I leant back on her, feeling her chest against my back. She whispered "Now you can't loss me either". I sobbed because that was exactly what was going to happen, she would leave and I would be left with the ghost of her presence. We held each other till the tears were dry.

Neither of us was really in the mood for a film, so we sat on the sofa, talking never losing physical contact. It was the most important thing at the moment. Slowly she dozed off, neither of us had slept well last night and the emotions of the day had taken their toll. I stared at her trying to etch an image of her on my brain, trying to remember that smell, how she felt before it was too late.

At 5 o'clock I woke her as gently as possible she had been asleep maybe an hour. I too had dozed in and out of sleep never wanting to lose sight of her. She had to pack and I knew she wanted to shower first. Her flight was at 10pm which meant she had to be at the airport latest at 8pm. I wanted her to have her last meal here at home with me and it takes about 30 minutes to get to the airport so I wanted us to eat around 6:30. Alex didn't want to leave the warm sofa but I told her she had to. She headed into the bathroom and I hit the kitchen to make a meal she would never forget.

She emerged an hour later showered, dressed and packed, dinner was well underway and I had been sat playing with the locket for a few minutes. As always she looked beautiful, I sat here just watching her carry the smaller suitcase to the door, I didn't want to move. I didn't to help her leave. She joined me in the kitchen, hugging me from behind, kissing my neck and shoulders asking me not to be too upset. The last month had been amazing with her but I had to pull myself together I could break down once she was gone, I gave her a smile and kissed those remarkable lips, I love the way she tasted. We both decided that alcohol was not a good idea, so I made a fruit punch from all the juices I could find. We ate in the kitchen not saying much. There was nothing left to say, we both knew how we felt, we weren't looking forward to what came next. She asked if I had the taxi number and I gave her one, she rang it. At the same time my cell phone went. She hung up shaking her head at me. We had been through this; she wanted to say our goodbyes here in private. I said that was fine but I was taking her to the airport, it meant an extra hour with her and I wanted that. She protested but I knew her heart wasn't in it.

I carried the suitcases downstairs and packed them in the car. Returning I found Alex out on the balcony, she commented that she loved the view. It was nothing special, the back of the flats looked out onto the river. I thought about the beautiful the photos of LA Alex had shown me and couldn't understand how this compared. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I took her into my arms and held her tight, she had been the stronger one all day and now ready to leave, she broke down. I tightened my grip; I kept her on her feet. Between her sobs she told how she would miss me and she didn't want to go. This isn't fair. Slowly she regained herself, I told her that I would miss her too and reassured her that we would be in contact every day between email, text messages, Skype and the phone we would manage. I wiped the tears gently from her face seeing that she had only a small amount of make up around her eyes. She knew this was going to be hard. I told her that I cared for her and always would, distance couldn't change that. She smiled and without another word we left home.

The drive was the hardest I have ever had. I tried to stay focused on the road but this was the first time that we had been in the car without her hand being on my thigh. I glanced over to her; she was staring out the window, her forehead pressed against the glass. I reached out to her, rubbing her thigh. She placed her hand on top of mine and we drove the rest of the way in silence.

I parked the car and waited for her to react. We must have sat there for about 5 minutes before Alex said "well this is it". She let go of my hand and I got out of the car, removing her suitcases and waited for her. She didn't move. I walked round and opened the door. She had tear strikes down her face. I bent down so that we were eye to eye. "Alex, this isn't the end. You will hear my voice real soon and feel my touch as soon as it is possible." With that she wiped her face, checking it in the mirror before giving me a big smile, telling me I was right. We walked together into the airport each pulling a suitcase in one hand and holding tightly to each other with the other one.

She checked in with out a problem and we sat in a cafe, with one eye never leaving the announcement board. We drank our last cup of tea together until her flight was boarding. I walked with her as far as I could before saying a quick goodbye, kissing her cheek. Alex walked away from me and I stayed there until I lost sight of her.

I managed to make it all the way to my car without breaking down. Once locked in my car, I let go and cried harder than ever before. My phone beeped a text from her, simple and to the point "I Love You". I pulled myself together and drove home. Once home I curled up on my bed and cried myself to sleep. At around 2 o'clock my phone went, it was Alex. She had arrived home safely. She wished me pleasant dreams and with that she was gone.

After an amazing month, it was over at least in the way we had got used to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Split with an Ocean Between Us**

So life continued as normal... I was busy in work and Alex was busy with Salmone. The text messages flew over the pond that split us.

For the first week we managed to kept to the plan, Alex ringing before she went to bed, which was for me when I was getting up. It was strange at first, hearing her voice so sleepy as she wrapped herself up in bed, while I was waking up and trying to sound bright for so early. We would normally talk until she fell asleep, her last words would normally be those horrid 6 words. My answer never changed however with the Atlantic between us, it seemed somewhat hollow. Those mornings were the hardest; I would take my tea out on the balcony and wish myself back in her arms. I would then leave for work, her voice still ringing in my ears like the first song you hear on the radio that then stays with you all day. Work was busier than usual for this time of year but I didn't mind. I would sit and write Alex an email so she would have something nice to read when she got up.

On Saturday I headed as always to my mum and dad's. I enjoyed it and stayed long into the afternoon. I didn't want to go back to my empty flat that had always been filled with such love during the weekends with Alex, now it seemed somewhat cold. Both my parents knew a little of what had happened and they left me in peace, knowing that if I wanted to talk about it I would.

By the end of the first month, the phone calls had become fewer, and the emails shorter. Alex had got some TV work and between the Christmas run and people getting ill, my work was increasingly hectic. I never stopped thinking or missing her but life was making it harder to be close to her. The text messages continued but there was a longer gap between each one as neither of us had a lot of time on our hands.

I spent the first weekend in December in Germany with Jamie. Germany has amazing Christmas Markets and a wonderful drink call Glühwein. We spent our time together drinking, talking and buying small trinkets to give as gifts. The last night we sat together and Jamie finally asked about my love life. I told him everything except who she was. Alex had never asked me to keep it a secret, it just felt more respectful to her. Jamie smiled and said he was glad that I had found love with Alex. I nearly dropped my glass. Jamie giggled and explained that he had known since London that there was something going on, on top of which his mother had mentioned something after we were in her restaurant. For the first time I could talk honestly about what was going on and how I was feeling, it was a complete relief. Jamie had had a long distance relationship ever since he was stationed in Germany; he told me how they were coping and what they did to keep it going. My situation was different, one it wasn't exactly public and there was a teenage child to think about. That Sunday evening we said our goodbyes and I flew home. I arrived at my flat, picked up the phone and dialled. It rang forever before I heard that heavenly voice. Unfortunately it was only the answer machine, knowing that there was a chance that her daughter would hear the message, I choose to say simply "Hi Beautiful, Just wanted to hear your voice, Speak to you soon." Alex didn't ring back that night but I got a text message from her as I was on my way to work, she had just arrived home from work and found a wonderful thing on the answer machine. That was satisfying enough.

The family makes a big thing out of Christmas. O be honest my family make a big thing out of everything, we love an excuse to get together. Each year we all congregate at one house and celebrate together. There are usually about 30 of us. This year it was at mum and dad's, to lend a hand, the children help with the cooking. The last weekend before Christmas day, I took care of my nephew and nieces. We had family breakfast and I took the kids back to my flat to give my brother and sister the chance to finish shopping and wrapping without the little eyes spying on them. As we return to the flat I saw the flashing light on the answer machine. A delightful sound came from that black box. It was Alex. We hadn't managed to speak for a few weeks. She sounded so distant and somehow upset but hearing her voice still gave me a thrill. I listened to it again noticing that the message had been left at 11.45, quickly I did the maths realizing that it would have been just before 4 in the morning for her when she left the message. Something was wrong but it was now about half pass 1 and I knew that it was too early to ring. I sent a quick message to see if she was awake. As no answer came I decided to wait a while before ringing her back. I put Lilli down to sleep and helped Roshan and Cyrus draw pictures. At about 4pm I got a text message she was just sitting down to pancakes with Salmone, everything was okay and she would try and call later. I was not exactly convinced that everything was alright but I could read between the lines that whatever it was she didn't want to talk about it. As we sat together to eat dinner the phone went, I jumped up hoping it was her and tried not to sound disappointed that it was my Goddaughter's mother. She wanted to check that we were still going to the cinema tomorrow. I hadn't really done much with Amber since summer and felt bad about that. She was 14 and it was getting harder to do stuff that she was interested in. We had planned to celebrate Christmas together with a film and then dinner at my aunt's with her mother. Kerry, Amber's mum, was my best friend from university, she got pregnant in our last year and Amber's dad did a runner shortly after we completed our finals. So there was just the two of them. I had just been told I would never have children of my own when Amber was born and Kerry made me godmother so that I would always have someone to call my own. I had watched Amber grow from a screaming baby into a beautiful young lady; I love that child so much. We talked for a while, confirming the details before I returned to my 3 beautiful sunbeams. I may not have a family of my own but I was blessed.

Sunday with Amber and Kerry was fantastic; we laughed so much I forgot for a while that message that was left yesterday. I still hadn't spoke to Alex although we texted most of yesterday evening. As I arrived home that evening there was another voice message from her. Everything was okay and that she was going to be at a friend's all day, she would try and ring again before she went to bed. She sounded so much better this time and I was glad to hear her voice filling the flat.

By the time a reached the office, there was still no phone call from Alex, I sat down and wrote her the long email telling her everything that had happened during the weekend and my plans for Christmas. I finished the email asking about that phone message that I had heard a dozen times at this point and if everything was really alright. I signed it as I had always done – Love, Hugs and Kisses. There were only 4 of us in work that week. All those with children had holiday and there wasn't really that much work left to do, the last few days before Christmas everything was finished. There were only a few bits of paperwork left to do so I spent the day sending Christmas emails to our clients. Just after lunch I got an email from Alex, she wrote about what she had been doing and her plans for Christmas with her family that were all heading to LA to join her. She explained that she had had a bad couple of nights last week and she was just being silly as she left that message, it was nothing I needed to worry about. My heart sank as I felt that I was getting the brush off. I started to write her back saying I was glad everything was okay but if it was alright with her I would worry anyway. Someone had to worry about her. I hesitated before sending it, feeling the gap between us get bigger and bigger. We had only had a month together and now she was telling me that I shouldn't worry about her; I wasn't sure how to react. We had been apart now nearly 10 weeks and hadn't spoken since mid November. I deleted my reply and continued working. I didn't hear anything from her after that. I thought I had lost her.

Christmas day was full with laughter, shouting and joy. I have an amazing family. At 10 am we started to gather. The morning was just our 10. I sat there watching Roshan and Cy ripping paper away from their presents as I bounced Lilli on my knee. Being with them helped me forget what I was missing. At 1pm my Aunt Shireen turned up with her children and grandchildren, Christmas day is one of the only days she closes the restaurant, followed by my dad's brother Uncle Yasdi and his children. By 3pm we had all settled down, finished opening gifts and were ready to eat. We had prepared both traditional and Indian food. Everyone eat well, talking about life and the future. After we had all eaten more than our far share, I went out onto the patio for a smoke, Jamie followed me. We made small talk until he found the opening to ask if I had heard from her. I said that we had had a few emails and text messages but nothing in the last couple of days. Jamie argued with me, telling me I was being stupid and I should call her, it was Christmas and I loved her and why was I being such a big idiot. I told him what she had said in that last email. His reaction was, well of course she said that, what would you say if the rolls were reverse? He was right. I took my cell phone out to call her but then I heard dad calling us all inside. The Canadians were calling. We all talked together over the speakerphone, filling the house with even more noise. After our group phone call we started playing Pictionary, cousins against parents. I haven't laughed so much in so long. We had another group phone call with the American's and after that people started to leave. By 8pm it was just the 10 of us again. I went back out onto the patio, a little fresh air; clear some of the wine from my head. My dad joined me and we sat for a while enjoying the quiet. Dad spoke first, telling me that Jamie had spoke with him and that he was worried about me, he didn't understand what I was going through but he knew one thing for sure, that month with her visiting every weekend was the happiest he had seen me in a long time. Everyone who was going to ring had so the phone was free, and my parent's bedroom was the quietest part of the house. I was to go upstairs and ring her and not to come down until I had.

I sat on their bed and dialled the numbers. Before it rang I hung up, my hands shaking. I was scared, what if she couldn't talk or even worst what if she didn't want to talk. Taking a deep breath I dialled a second time. It rang for a long time before a young American voice answered. It took me by surprised and I wasn't sure what to say. I asked to speak to Alex, the voice asked who she could say was calling, very polite, I answered with my name and she reacted with "oh good, mom will be happy". I let a deep breath out; her daughter said she would be happy to hear from me. Alex came on the phone and my heart melted, her voice was happy and rich with laughter, tears of joy fell down my cheeks. We talked for while, telling each other about our day, mine about to come to an end, hers just starting. I could hear that she was now outside on the patio as there were no voices in the background. As she continued to talk I could hear her voice breaking and I asked her what was wrong. "I miss you so much" was all I heard before she broke up completely. I reassured her that I too missed her more than I ever thought was possible and continued talking as she gathered herself together. She apologized for not being more in contact but every time she rang she only ever got the answer machine and didn't want to disturb me if I was with friends or my family. I told her that that was stupid, but explained that I had felt the same way. We talked for about an hour when I heard her daughter tell Alex that it was time to eat. We said our goodbyes and hung up. The gap that I felt getting bigger suddenly got smaller. I went in the bathroom and washed my face before returning to the happy family that I was so lucky to be a part of. I sat down taking Cyrus into my arms; I started to tell the family about what had happened in my love life since summer. Their reactions ranged from upset that I hadn't said anything before to simply joy that I had finally found someone. They all understood that this was not information that I wanted going outside of these four walls. When or if Alex and I decided the world should know, then it would be on our terms.

I didn't hear anything else from Alex until the second week in January. I had started to have doubts about what was really going on between us. We had had a fantastic month but all I could think about was an old saying "one swallow doesn't make a summer". I started wishing that I hadn't said anything to the family about it, yes I was in love but I couldn't speak for her and she was so far away.

Alex wrote me that she was going to be in London for the National TV Awards, she had been nominated for an award. She asked if I would be able to come down and join her for the weekend. I didn't know what to answer I was dying to see her, to touch her, to be near her but we hadn't spoken in about a month. I had tried ringing her for New Year and a few time since then but there was only the answer machine every time I tried. I had left a few messages but never heard anything back. I decided not to answer straight away and continued working. I worked late that night, when the office was empty I read the email again and again. I replied with a short email saying of course I would join her in London and that she should send me the details for the hotel she was staying in so I could book myself a room. The need to see her was so great that there was no way I couldn't go but I didn't want to just jump into the way we were the last time she was in the country. I wanted to be a full part of her life, I had fallen in love.


	7. Chapter 7

**NTV Awards and Her**

As the weekend approached I went through different emotions. I was apprehensive about how I would be received by her, happy about being near her again, excited by the idea that I would feel her sweet lips, nervous about all the press that would be there...

The plan was that I would take the train down on Friday, meeting Alex at the hotel for dinner. We were going to have Saturday together and in the evening go to the O2 arena for the award show. I had never been to an award show before; I normally watched them on the TV with pop corn in my pyjamas. I decided to take both the Friday and Monday off so that if things went the way I hoped I wouldn't have to rush back home.

I couldn't sit still on the train; I just kept wishing that the train would be quicker. Alex had arrived this morning, from the moment she landed my phone hadn't stop beeping. She had planned to sleep but couldn't, so instead she spent the day winding me up with what she was going to do to me when I arrived. Finally the train pulled in to Euston, I grabbed my overnight bag and hurried onto the platform. As I walked quickly towards the escalators to catch the tube to the hotel, I saw something that made my heart rate double and stopped me in my tracks. She stood there at the ticket machine, scanning the crowds, waiting for me. As soon as our eyes met, she gave me her most bewitching smiles and started to walk towards me. I couldn't move. I watched her approach me, wishing my feet would move towards her. I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around her small waist and she draped her arms round my neck. We embraced each other as if no one was there. Her smell was just as I had remembered, she felt so good. We pulled away from each other and said Hello, like old friends that hadn't seen each other in years. I picked up my bag and we walked together to catch the tube. We talked the whole way, about the award show, about Salmone, about New Year... everything that we had both wanted to tell each other but had never found the time.

I checked in and Alex walked me up to the room, her room was next door, I started to unpack, hanging my clothes up for tomorrow night. I turned to see her sat on the bed smiling at me. I stayed where I was and asked what she was smiling about, I didn't want to get too close, and I needed to keep control. She looked away and mumbled something that I couldn't make out. I asked her to repeat, and she looked me in the eyes and said that she missed me. I walked over to the bed sitting next to her and told her that I missed her too. She started talking about how it was in LA and why she hadn't rang as much as she wanted to. She kept looking at the floor and shifting on the bed, she looked more uncomfortable then I had ever seen. As she continued to talk I placed my hand on her thigh, she looked up her beautiful green eyes red from the tears that she was fighting back. My heart broke, here was the woman that I cared so much about, trying not to show me how much she was hurting. I couldn't cope any long. I placed my finger on her lips to stop her and looking into her tear filled eyes I told her that I didn't care, she was here now and that was all that mattered. With that she broke down, sobbing I took her in my arms and kissed her hair. Holding her, feeling her shoulders heave with every sob, I lost control myself, letting silent tears fall into her curls. Everything she had said I felt too, the loneliness, the fear of phoning and disturbing each other, once on the phone never wanting to put it down, writing emails that never got sent and having moments that should be shared and then remembering that we are worlds about. As the tears subsided, she lifted her chin and kissed me softly on the lips, I kissed her back lingering a little long, enjoying her sweet touch. I left her for a moment to freshen up and as I returned I found her a sleep on the edge of the bed. I smiled, I knew that she hadn't slept since arriving in England and she had told me that she hadn't been sleeping well in LA either. I finished unpacking and climbed on the bed, pulling her resting body towards me I whispered in her ear that she could rest here as long as she wanted. She moaned back and shuffled to get comfortable in my arms. I turn the TV on very quietly and settled in for an afternoon of telly and Alex.

Around 6pm I felt Alex's lip kissing me through my T-shirt, gently biting my skin. I responded with a groan, reaching down I lifted her chin and kissed her passionately the way I had all those months ago. Suddenly there was a knock at the door; Alex jumped pulling away from me. I got up and answered the door. I could not believe my eyes. Standing outside my door was The Doctor. I tried to stay cool and asked if I could help him. He looked as shocked as I did; he said he was looking for Ms Kingston's room 225. I was about to explain that this was 227 but before I could tell him that he needed the next room, Alex called from inside telling Matt she was there. I showed Matt inside and for an uncomfortable moment nobody said anything. Alex introduced me as an old friend and her escort for tomorrow night. He turned shaking my hand saying he was glad to finally meet me as he had heard so much about me. He invited us to join him and Karen for a drink so that they could catch up. Alex told him that we would think about it, we had already planned to go out for dinner to catch up but maybe afterwards. Matt explained that all the Doctor Who people were staying in this hotel and that he was trying to get everyone together for a drink. He turned to leave and we got to the door he whispered so that Alex would not hear that he was worried about her and that I should take care of her. I told him not to give it a second thought, smiling I closed the door and returned to her on the bed, it was time to get some answers from her.

I wanted to know why she was so upset on my answer machine before Christmas. I asked and she went to get off the bed and I grabbed her, pushing her back onto the bed. She sat on the end and I kneed in front of her, both of my hands on her thighs holding her in place. She took a deep breath and told me that she had had a major argument with her ex, something she did not want to revisit and that it had affected her deeply. I could see the hurt in her eyes and asked "is that why you stopped writing?" She looked away, nodding her head. "What could he have said to make you feel so bad you couldn't talk to me?" She didn't answer and although I wanted an answer, I stood up pulling her up to me and held her in my arms. As she laid her head on my shoulder I whispered that I wasn't going anywhere. She squeezed me to show her appreciation and with that she returned to her room to get ready for dinner.

I showered still in disbelief that Alex broke contact because of something that was said. As I dressed I thought about what she said earlier, how relaxed she was when Matt Smith was there, all the text messages that had been sent during my journey south, everything that had happened since she met me at the train station. I was confused and I didn't know how to react. I was ready shortly before 7 so I went down to have a smoke and clear my head. I made the decision to try and simply enjoy the time I had with her and not worry about what would happen in the future, if it was meant to be then it would be. I re-entered the hotel and stood waiting for her. In that way Alex was a real girl, she always needed a little longer to get ready but was always worth it. Suddenly I felt a hand on my waist; I spun around to see it was Matt Smith. He invited me to join them for a drink while I was waiting before I could say no, an energetic red head bounded over to us. It was Karen Gillan. Matt introduced me as Alex's friend and with that I was pulled into the bar. I ordered a mineral water which got laughed at but I explained with so many stars around me I was feeling light headed. They had heard about me and all I wanted was to know exactly what Alex had said. I was stood with people that I had watched on the television for so long, making jokes and talking as if this was nothing special, I felt a little like a fish out of water. It was clear that they were like a family that hadn't seen each other for a long time, I thought about my own family and how we were when we got together. I felt a little guilty that I was taking Alex away from this.

As I was half way through my drink, a vision appeared at the entrance of the bar. Her hair was pinned back off her face and cascaded down her back, light make up emphasising those magical green eyes and sweet full lips. A low cut v dress, showcasing those wonderful collarbones with a lace top underneath inviting my eyes to stare and knee high boots finished the outfit off. I couldn't breathe, say anything or take my eyes off her. She didn't see me at first, till Matt called her over offering her a glass of wine. She refused telling him that she was just waiting to go for dinner. At that point my legs remembered how to work and I walked over to her, smiling that the cat that had just got the cream. I placed my hand on the small of her back and whispered that as always she was worth the wait. In all honesty I would have waited all night to see her looking like that. We promised to join them after dinner and headed out into the night. As we were outside I helped her with her jacket and kissed the back of her neck secretly. She giggled like a school girl; I loved how I could make her loss control. There was a taxi waiting outside the hotel, I opened the door and she climbed in telling the taxi driver where we wanted to go. We sat quietly together, watching London's bright lights fly passed us, as we sped through the night, her hand on my thigh as if it was meant to be there.

Dinner was at a little Spanish Tapas bar, so like Alex to pick a restaurant with lots of little dishes. We sat outside under one of the heaters, enjoying the fresh night air and the quietness. We talked and laughed, never losing physical contact. The food was wonderfully rich and I enjoyed every mouth full but I would have enjoyed anything that night as long as it meant I could be near her. All the gloom and despair had disappeared from earlier as if it was washed down the drain with the bath water. It was still in the back of my head but I didn't want to break the mood. I wanted to know what she had told the others and when I asked she just laughed. Chuckling she explain that her friends had notice that she wasn't spending her time off in the hotel and had commented on a change in her. Matt had seen us kissing goodbye one Sunday and she had trusted him with the truth. I smiled as she talked, enjoying the fact that she had been open about us with someone. As we finished eating her daughter rang, Alex explained that we were still at dinner so they would have to be quick tonight. I wanted to give them a chance to talk and stood up to leave when Alex grabbed my hand shaking her head. We were the only people who were sat outside, enjoying our private garden as it was. I walked round to the back of her chair and whispered into her ear that I needed to. Kissing behind her ear I left her to her phone call. After visiting the restroom, I paid the bill and returned to my love to see tears in her eyes. I walked behind her and embraced her, comforting and supporting her through whatever had touched her heart this time. All she said was that she needed to walk it off, so we gathered our coats and walked with linked arms into the night.

The walk took double as long as it should, partially because we didn't exactly know which way to go and partially due to Alex pulling me into dark spots for secret kisses. She had never been so affectionate in public before not that I was complaining, it was nice to feel like new lovers in the winter's air. As we finally turned onto the right road and could see the hotel lights, I asked about what had happened on the phone. The answer was not really satisfying but at least it was honest, the same as what had upset her so deeply in LA. I pulled her into an alleyway and in the darkness I pinned her against the wall. Looking into her eyes I explained that I didn't know where this was leading but that I cared about her deeply and nothing was going to change that. She had difficulty keeping eye contact with me and I lowered my voice so only she could hear and told her that if her ex was using her daughter to get at her that was not only completely wrong it was mean and low down. Once I was finished I took hold of her hand, kissed it softly never taking my eyes off hers. I wanted her to know that I meant what I said. Still holding her hand we walked out of the darkness together. Just before we walked into the hotel, Alex whispered that she wanted to go straight up. I was a little disappointed, maybe I had gone too far. She must read what I was thinking on my face because she smiled and added "with you, stupid". I just beamed, I didn't need to have her but I wanted her near. Her plan was stopped before we could put it into action by her energetic red headed friend who had seen us coming. Just one drink that was all she wanted, they hadn't seen each other in so long. I smiled wishing her a goodnight, I left her to it. As I got to the elevator, I heard someone coming up behind me. I turned hoping it was Alex and that she had somehow got away but it was Matt. He wanted me to know that I was very welcome to join them and actually I should. I tried to give him excuses that I wasn't part of the Doctor Who family and that it had been a long day but he wasn't buying any of it. Luckily my phone beeped and I told him that it was my godchild and I needed to ring her back. With that he allowed me to get in the elevator. It wasn't Amber, it was Alex. "One drink and then I'll join you." I smiled and went to the room, bathed, changed and waited for her.

I was awoken by a constant knocking at the door; I looked over and saw that it was just after 3am. Half a sleep I opened the door to see one very drunk Ms Kingston, boots in one hand and a silly grin plastered across her face. She tried to walk in but fell over her own feet so I helped her in, checking that there was no one in the corridor. "Just one drink hey?" She smiled sheepishly and tried explaining that it was entirely my fault. I shouldn't have left her. I left her on the bed and headed to her room in search of her nightwear. I found her grey jogging bottoms and old T-Shirt that she had lived in during the weekends at my apartment. I couldn't help smiling. I found her silk nightly and with her house clothes I headed back to find that her naked on top of the bed, smiling and inviting me to join her. Which, I did.

I awake, feeling her soft breath on my chest, our bodies tangled together. I lay there for a moment enjoying her smell and the feel of her soft skin against mine. It was shortly after 8 am and as I watched her sleeping in my arms, I replayed everything that happened last night, the tears and the laughter. My phone started to ring, I reached for it and answering as quickly as I could, trying not to wake her. She groaned and rolled over untangling herself. I didn't recognise the Hello, so I asked who it was; the answer was "are you alone?" I asked again and this young American answered Salmone. It was Alex's daughter. I left the warmth of the bed and went into the bathroom. I didn't want Alex to hear. Salmone sounded so unsure and quiet as we talked. She apologized for calling so early but she couldn't sleep and wanted to check that her mum was really okay. She knew that we were spending the weekend together and she had found my number in Alex's phone book. She hoped I wasn't mad that she had called. I told her that she had nothing to worry about, I didn't mind her calling. I explained that after dinner we walked back and I had left her to have a few drinks with her Doctor Who friends, I hadn't spoke to her yet this morning but I think that she had had a good night. I asked why she was so concerned, and she, with a lot of hesitation in her voice, told me in detail what had happened between her mum and dad, about the argument that she had overheard and how she heard her mum crying and calling out in the night. I sat on the edge of the bath listening to all the things that Alex couldn't tell me. As she continued I could hear the tears in her voice, so I took control. Telling her how this wouldn't go any further, I wasn't going to tell her mother about her calling or what she had told me. It would stay between us. I explained our plans for today, shopping, eating and catching up and she sounded relieved that her mum would not be alone. I told her to save the number into her cell phone so that if she ever needed to she could get hold of me, anytime for any reason. She thanked me, sounding better than before and I wished her a goodnight and asked her to text me when she woke so I knew she was okay. She agreed and with that we hung up. I stayed exactly where I was trying to absorb what I had just been told. I saved her cell number under Sally so that if anyone saw it including Alex they would be none the wiser. I couldn't believe that in the short time that I had known Alex that I had earned her trust enough that her daughter trusted me. Any doubts about how Alex felt about me disappeared. First encounter with her daughter hadn't gone as exactly as I had pictured but it was still positive, although I didn't know if she had spoken to me as her mums friend or lover. I splashed water on my face and examined the red marks that Alex had left last night. She was more passionate and aggressive than that night in my apartment and after what Salmone had said it made more sense. I walked out of the bathroom to see that my love was still sleeping. I pulled my jeans and sweatshirt on and wrote a quick note in case she woke while I was downstairs. I organised breakfast to be delivered to us in our room in an hour and then went outside for a smoke. Matt came and joined me with dark sunglasses covering the dark rings that I knew were there. The aftermath of a night drinking with his Who family. He smiled, telling me that I missed a goodnight and asked if Alex had made it to my bed in one piece. I smiled, answering without saying anything. We made small talk as I finished my cigarette and as we were about to walk back inside, he pulled me to one side asking if Alex had said anything about what had happened in LA. I asked him what she had told him and his answer was nothing. He knew that something had happened, suddenly she stopped answering his messages or taking his calls and then last week she was as suddenly there again as if nothing had happened. I was glad that it wasn't just me and told him that I knew a little more but not much. I told him that I was planning on getting to the bottom of it and that I really should join her. He walked me to the elevator, pleased that someone was close enough to her to be able to help. He had been ignored and knocked down every time he had tried. I returned to find her still asleep, I lay back down with her, and she seemed to react almost instantly to my presence and rolled over to me, snuggling into me. I lifted my arm to make more room for her and placed my hand on her back pulling her closer. I laid there trying to clear my mind and simply enjoying her. The knock on the door woke me from my thoughts, it was room service. I took the tray at the door and set it down on the table. I sat on her side of the bed and kissed her forehead gently, waking her. She moaned that the light was too bright and that she couldn't move. I told her she didn't have too; all she had to do was sit up. She saw the tray and smiled, she was grateful that she didn't have to face the world yet. I brought the tray setting it on the bed and climbed behind her allowing her to rest her pounding head on my shoulder. We ate together, her hangover was raging and all she wanted to do was sleep. We tried to make plans but Alex's brain was foggy, the mix of the hangover and jetlag was winning and she was not much use for anything. There was no real need for her to get over the jetlag as she was only in England for the weekend. So instead of spending the day shopping I suggested that she remained in the hotel and tried to sleep it off. I still wanted to head out for a bit, there was some shopping that I wanted to do but I also didn't want to be away from her for too long so we agreed that we would meet up for lunch. I was unwilling to leave her as we only had a short time together but Alex convinced me that a few hours' sleep and then she would be able to function. So I decided to take care of the bits and pieces I wanted to do for the people who lived in my life full time.

When Amber was 4 years old I started paying for dance lessons, Kerry couldn't afford it and I wanted my girl to have everything, 10 years later I am still happily paying. Amber had developed a love like everyone in her class for Pineapple clothing. There was only a small shop in Manchester and I wanted to see if there was anything a little different in there London store which was much bigger. I enjoyed walking in the fresh air, for end of January the weather was nice, cold but dry. I had made the decision to enjoy the time I was going to have with Alex and not dwell on the negative but now walking on my own I couldn't stop replaying everything again and again. I didn't know how to deal with it and knew I needed to take to someone, so I rang Jamie. As I window shopped looking for something to make Alex smile, I explain the problem and everything that had happened since I left home. He listened and understood why I was so concerned. He didn't know what I should do but seeing that I hadn't got the information from Alex he felt that I shouldn't say anything, that far I had got by myself. After we finished I thank him, he may not have had any good advice but simply talking about it had helped. After an hour and half my head was clear, my heart was strong and I had gifts for the important women in my life.

As I crept into the darken hotel room I found my sleeping beauty curled up on the bed. I sat onto the bed and pulled her to me, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I enjoyed having her close. She woke in my arms and smiled, her head felt a little better and she was willing to face the world. Her appetite had returned so we ordered room service and enjoyed a little lunch in private.

We had to be at the award ceremony at 6.30 and Alex said she would need a good hour to make she self look presentable so we wasted the rest of the afternoon on the bed, watching TV, talking and expressing nonverbally how much we had missed each other. She was intoxicating, her smell, and her touch which set my skin on fire. We had been together a relative short time but I was hooked and didn't want anyone else. If she walked out of my life tomorrow I would die alone but happy. I had tasted paradise.

At 5 pm Alex left me, she went back to her room to get ready and ring her daughter. I went downstairs to have a cigarette before getting myself ready. I stood outside enjoying a moment of peace when Matt walked up with a beautiful woman carrying lots of shopping bags. I guessed that it was his girlfriend from where he had his hand and a spark of jealousy shot through me. I wished that I could be like that with Alex so open, so free. We were passionate but not in public, it was all hidden in dark corners and I understood why. The papers would have a field day with us and there was a 14 year old to think about. Alex had always tried to keep her private life out of the papers; she had described as normal and boring, not worth writing about but both of us knew that this would not be seen as boring. Matt kissed her and she smiled and went inside, he smiled and explained that she needed a while to get ready. I laughed telling him that Alex was the same. We spent a few minutes laughing together about how long our lovers needed to get ready and both agreed it was worth the wait. He asked if Alex was okay, he had genuine concern for his older co-star. I didn't answer at first, I just watched as he rambled on about the fact that he knew that she was older than him, and could take care of herself but he had grown to care and admire her and couldn't stand to see her unhappy. I smiled and told him that I felt the same and other than a bad head from all the wine she was fine. He asked again if we had talked about LA and what had happened and I said trying not to be rude that that was between Alex and me but I was grateful that she had people in her life that cared about her. He seemed satisfied with that. I asked him about what the award show would be like, I had never been to one and wasn't sure about procedure. He explained it all, the rope line and how the evening would run. I was grateful to him, he was a true gentleman. We decided to get dressed and then meet for a drink as the girls wouldn't be ready until 5 minutes after the cars arrived. I returned to my room, her smell still lingering, I showered and focused on getting myself ready, I didn't want to show her up. My phone beeped and there were 3 messages, the first was from Jamie, simply telling me to enjoy my time with her. The second stopped my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It was from Salmone. She wanted to thank me firstly for taking such good care of her mom, they had just spoken and she sounded much better, the brightest she had heard in a while and secondly that I hadn't said anything about the phone call. I texted her back telling her that she had nothing to worry about and nothing to thank me for. The third was from my love. She needed help with her dress so when I was ready, I was to come over, no rush. I finished getting ready, making sure I had everything I needed, I left to see what my beautiful Alexandra needed. I didn't knock but let myself in, calling out as I opened the door. She was sat in front of the mirror playing with her hair. I stood behind her, god she is beautiful, I couldn't resist her neck and bent down kissing it gently. She tilted back allowing her head to rest on my shoulder. I continued kissing round her neck hitting every spot I knew she liked. She moaned encouragingly so I continued softly stoking her arm, her skin reacting to my touch. Slowly I moved to the side, turning her head to be able to place my lips onto hers. She reacted by taking hold of my head and pulled me closer. My hands worked round her spots extracting every pleasurable moan I could. I couldn't get enough of that noise; I couldn't get enough of her. She finally release me and I laid my forehead on to hers taking in her beautiful eyes and bewitching smile. She smiled and we stayed there, neither of us saying anything nor wanting to move. She broke the moment by asking me to help her finish getting ready. I joked that I thought she was finished. She was wearing a matching strapless bra and underwear; she smiled and commented on how the press would react. She stood up and removing it from the coat hanger stepped into a stunning dark green chiffon ball gown. I walked behind her and did the zip up very slowly kissing the bare skin as I went. The dress hugged her in all the right places. I was the luckiest person in the world as I would get to unwrap her afterwards. She asked me to leave her to finish off and unwillingly I went down to the bar and enjoyed a pint with Matt, wondering how she could make herself look any better.

The car arrived and Alex was nowhere to be seen. I sent her a text message telling her, that she was the most gorgeous creature I had ever laid eyes on and to come down as she was. Matt, his girlfriend and Karen got into the first car and I was left with 2 people I hadn't met before waiting for my vision in green. Finally, 20 minutes after the first car left my love appeared looking amazing, I honestly couldn't tell what she had been doing for the last half an hour or so and I didn't care. I walked over to her taking the small Humming Bird from the box that I had been holding since I left her, attaching it to her charm bracelet I kissed her hand and told her how wonderful she looked. She smiled, and there it was again, the sadness in her eyes, no tears just sadness. We got into the car, the other two made jokes all the way, Alex said nothing, just stared out of the window, her mind somewhere else. I wanted to talk to her but understood that in this situation all I could do was be near her and hide that I had seen it. We arrived at the O2 Arena and suddenly my quiet Alexandra turned into Alex Kingston, bubbly and sassy, full of smiles, everything that she wasn't in the car. This was the first time I had seen her in action, I hung back as she worked the rope line. She was the true professional and I couldn't help marvelling at her strength and ability to cover her true feelings. Whatever had happened after I left her in the hotel room, it wasn't going to stop her from doing what she had to do now.

We sat next to each other watching, laughing at Dermot O'Leary and celebrating the winners. I kept glancing over to her checking that she was still smiling. She hid her sadness well. Alex had a strong exterior but a very soft centre. She carried the stuff from LA around with her like a pebble you keep in your handbag; nobody knows it there unless you explain what it is. I wished that she would share it with me; the weight of it was unbearable for her sometimes but I knew that I had to wait until she was ready. Alex didn't win her category which she was okay with as it went to Karen so we celebrated anyway. Matt won his, so I knew we would be in for a long night back at the hotel.

The after party was amazing, all the stars from my living room, drinking, laughing, celebrating together. The Doctor Who group had found a table in the corner and decorated it with the 4 awards they had won. I left the festivities to have a smoke; looking at my phone I saw that there was a text message from Salmone. She wanted to say that we both looked lovely on the telly and to warn me that her dad had phoned her mum earlier. So that was the reason for the sadness. I was in the middle of texting her back when I felt soft lips on the back of my neck. I turned startled for a moment seeing it was Alex I smiled telling her that I wasn't expecting that. She smiled and said that she had had enough, she wanted to go home. I agreed and finished the message quickly; taking her hand we walked round to where the taxis were waiting. We climbed in and travelled back to the hotel talking about the evening. She asked about the text message that I was sending when she found me and I told her that it was my friend Sally; she had seen me on the TV and thought that I looked good. She had had a similar message from Salmone. I smiled and told her that her daughter was right, she looked damn good and I was looking forward to unwrapping her. We got into the elevator and Alex turned to me, whispering into my ear, "I want to go home". I looked into her eyes confused; I didn't know where she wanted me to take her. "LA?" I asked. She shook her head and just repeated "Home". The elevator opened and we walked to our rooms hand in hand. As I opened my door she turned and told me to pack we were going home. I finally understood; she wanted to go back to the flat. I packed as quickly as I could and before going to see how far Alex was I checked the train times. The last train was in 20 minutes we could catch it as long as we were quick. I knocked on her door; she had changed and was ready to go. She was wearing jeans and a pull over and looked just as beautiful as before. We arrived just in time at Euston and boarded the train finding an empty compartment. We sat together, her head on my shoulder. We had a 4 hour ride ahead of us. The first hour went without either one of us saying much, I started to doze off when Alex decided that now was she was ready to talk about the stone she was carrying. She talked in a low tone, telling me about the arguments that they had been having. Her Ex wasn't a violent man but things had got heated between them. Salmone had heard some of it which just made things worst. As she finished I could feel her tears falling onto my shoulder, she didn't try and hide it this time. I lifted her head and stole a kiss, I told her that she wasn't alone and this was the sort of stuff we should and could share, that I adored her and nothing would ever change that. I made sure that she understood that I wanted to share everything, the good and the bad. She relaxed into my arms and slept the rest of the way. We took a taxi back to the apartment and curled up on the bed, just holding each other, she apologized again and again for burdening me with her problems and ruining our weekend together. I told her that nothing was ruined and that I was glad she had told me everything. We slept together that night in each other's embrace, comforted in the fact that we were not alone.

I woke up to an empty bed and knew instantly were my love would be and sure enough there she was, sat out on the balcony, curled up in her jogging bottoms and sweatshirt shielding herself from the cold with the comforter. She had already made a pot and everything was sitting on the table waiting for me. I smiled, she had called this home but until know I had never seen her act so at home. It was cold in the morning air and I shivered as I joined her on the two seater. She wrapped her arms and the comforter around me and we enjoyed the warmth of the tea and each other. She started talking again about everything that had happened and I let her, listening to the murmuring in her chest. She needed to talk about it, she couldn't let it go and I was glad that she felt that she trusted me. There were no tears this time, more confusion than sorrow. How could he say those things, were they true, why did it have such an effect on her? She kept going over things again and again, I added comments trying to snap her out of it and slowly the confusion became soft anger and then nothing, she stopped. I looked into her eyes and saw peace residing in those green pools for the first time since we had met in Euston. I kissed her, content that, at least for the moment, Alexandra had won the battle that had raged inside her for so long.

There was nothing in the house to eat, so after some discussion we headed for lunch to my parents. My parents welcomed her with open arms. Sunday was a day of rest for them, no one (normally) visited, everyone was busy with their respective families. The house was so quiet and peaceful, Alex loved it. We ate a light late breakfast alone in my parents' huge kitchen. Dad had explained that we would be having lunch at 1.30pm so we weren't to eat too heavily. Alex had tried telling him not to make a fuss to which my dad simply answer that making a fuss was what our family does best. As she stood to clean the plates away I grabbed her, pulling her down onto my lap, I placed kisses everywhere I could find bare skin sending her into a fit of giggles. After all the sadness and seriousness it was fantastic to hear her laughing like that. We enjoyed the rest of the tea outside on the patio. Alex marveled at the garden, how she wished she had one, but with her scheduling it was never possible, maybe when she settled down. Living between two countries was wearing her out, but at least until Salmone finished school there was no other option. Mum and Dad joined us just before lunch bring 3 glasses and a bottle of wine. I, of course, was not offered any as my parents knew that I was driving. We talking openly answering every question that my parents had, I felt sorry for Alex but she handled it really well. We both knew, that the more we did normal things with each other's families, the more we would have to get used to the questions. Lunch was nothing special as Dad put it, but Alex loved it. She loved home cooking especially when she isn't the one doing it and my Dad loved cooking for anyone. After lunch mum instructed me to go outside for a smoke with Dad and I knew exactly what that meant, Alex's grilling wasn't over. Dad asked about our plans for tonight and also for the future. I couldn't answer the second part as I didn't know all I knew was that I wanted to be with her regardless to everything else. I understood that both of my parents were simply concerned for me, they had seen the change and agreed it was for the better but were still concern that I would get hurt. When we were allowed back in a basket stood in the middle of the table, I looked inside seeing a bottle of wine, leftovers from last night and desert. We left my parents and while driving back to the flat I asked about what she and mum had talked about. She explained that my mum wanted to check that she was serious about me; jokingly I asked if she had passed. Her answer was "of course sweetie." We spent the rest of the day on the sofa watching TV and enjoying each other. We talked a little about getting Alex back to the airport but no decisions were made, she didn't want to think about it. I couldn't think of anything else. This weekend had not exactly gone to plan, there were too many tears, too many people and way too much confusion but I had her now to myself, happy and content. I knew in the back of my head that this wouldn't last, tomorrow she would be miles away and I would be here alone.

She woke me at 2am with soft kisses and saying that we needed to get organised. She hadn't slept yet and looked through my half opened eyes as if she was already ready to go. I showered and took the suitcases downstairs as Alex carried the comforter from the balcony, she wanted to try and sleep in the car. We drove off into the night, talking all the way. Sometime after we passed Birmingham, Alex fell asleep and I drove on enjoying the quietness. At some pint she started to talk in her sleep, this was nothing new; she had done this several times. Most of the time it was just non sense, but this time she quarreled with herself, how she had ruined the weekend, how she had been so wrapped up in what he had said that she hadn't even thanked me for the wonderful gift, how she had wanted to enjoy the weekend not spend the most of it in tears and how grateful she was that it didn't seem to bother me. I smiled and said softly that I was simply happy to have her near. We made good time and arrived an hour before we needed to, I parked and watched Alex sleeping, not wanted to wake her. She seemed to notice that the car had stopped moving and opened her eyes, smiling softly. I leant over a kissed her softly and keeping her face as close as I could, I responded to every comment she had made in her sleep, kissing her after each point. My last point was that I wanted to share the good and the bad, after all if you can't turn to the people who care about you when things are bad then who can you? She kissed me passionately her hand now on the back of my head pulling me as close as possible. I could have stayed there forever but right now that wasn't possible.

She checked in and we went and had our last breakfast together. As we sat next to each other, her hand on my thigh we promised to stay in contact. She would ring regardless to what happened; she would try not to shut me out. She explained that she had been alone for so long and was used to only relaying on herself. She was due back in 6 weeks to film at BBC wales and I smiled saying that I would be here. Salmone was going to join her for Easter and she wanted me to meet her. So we had our plan both of us knowing that everything could change. I walked her to the control point, both of us blinking tears away as we said our goodbyes. I would never get used to seeing her walk away from me. It would never get any easier. I decided to head for the hotel rather than trying the long drive back without any sleep. After resting I checked each of our rooms finding the necklace that Alex had worn that first night, I loved how it sat perfectly between her collarbones. I drove back to Manchester with the good and bad memories of my first Award show.


	8. Chapter 8

Valentine's Day

Being single on Valentine's Day never really bothered me, I enjoyed seeing my friends all lovey dovey. This year was different, I actually had someone to celebrate it with only she is on the other side of the world. I started to plan how I could celebrate it with her without being with her. We had managed to keep in fairly good contact, texting and phoning, but it wasn't the same. Salmone had sent me a text message every weekend, telling me what they were up to and that her mum was okay, she had only hear her crying a few times. On that point I was happy that I lived alone, no one heard my tears. My family knew I was love sick but left me to deal with it in my own way.

The internet is a wonderful thing, you can order anything and have it delivered to anywhere you like. I wanted something that would let her know what I was thinking but only her. A friendship was developing with her daughter but I was exactly sure what she knew or understood from our relationship. To be honest I didn't want to ask, I was simply happy that there was a relationship and that she felt that she could talk to me.

Picking a gift for someone that you had only known for 6 months isn't always the easiest thing to do, I had bought her the charm bracelet the first time we parted but for Valentine's it should be something special. I talked with Kerry and Jamie about it and they were not much use. Jamie's idea was to fly out and surprise her and Kerry said that flowers and chocolates were the obvious choices. The problem with Jamie's was simply, Salmone – how do we explain to her that I have flown half way across the world for a friend? Plus when I see her, I want to be able to touch her, kiss her and do things to her that her daughter shouldn't know about. Kerry's idea was too normal, too average and Alex is anything but normal or average. After spending time googling I decided on a plant rather than flowers as it would last longer, I also knew that she missed having a garden. I also picked out a few other things including a charm, a simple heart, nothing over the top just simple and pure like my love for her, maybe not simply but definitely pure. Everything was to be delivered in the morning so she would see it before she started her day.

The day started as most days did, Alex waking me up. Her voice was the best thing about early mornings. After talking about what her day had been like and what was in store for me, she went very quiet. I asked what was wrong but all I got was that she missed me and that she wanted me. Playfully I asked what she wanted to do to me, not really expecting an answer, she laughed and said that she was too old for phone sex, she would rather show me. We talked until Alex fell asleep, it was harder to put the phone down than usual, I wanted to be with her more than ever. No one should have to wake alone on Valentine's Day.

The rest of the day ran as normal. I was having lunch when the text messages from her started to arrive, thanking me for the gifts and want she was going to do to me when she saw me. My girl was definitely aroused. This more aggressive passionate open side of Alex was something new for me, she had been more open about her feelings in London but this was different, more explicate.

I arrived home to find a note from my neighbour downstairs, there was a delivery for me. I ran downstairs and retrieved a beautiful bunch of flowers and a small parcel. Donna, my neighbour asked who they were from and I answered that I didn't know, someone who thought they were my love as that is what was on the card. I opened the parcel as soon as I was back in my flat, what I saw taught my breath away. In it was a soft Orangutan wearing a white T-shirt and grey jogging bottoms. The T-shirt was printed with a simple sentence, "A Hug from Your Lover", it was so cute and such a wonderful thought. We had been apart for just over 2 weeks and had another 4 to go before a hug was possible. There was also a photo and written on the back was…

To my dearest,

A wonderful memory of a crappy visit.

SWAK

My heart filled with love as I reread the note several times. I rang my finger over the lipstick mark, wishing I could touch the lips that had made the impression. The photo was a picture that had been taken by Matt Smith during the after party in London. She was standing behind me with her chin rested on my shoulder; it was a lovely photo of two people clearly in love. I tried ringing her but there was only the answer machine, I left a small message "Thank You" and decided that I would try her again later.

My nephew, nieces and goddaughter arrived at 6pm as planned. Tradition was that I would have all the kids so that everyone else could have a special night. Kerry didn't have anyone but Amber still wanted to come over, I didn't mind she was always welcome. We laid matrices out in the living room, with as many comforters and pillows we could find. Dinner was Pizza for everyone except Lilly who enjoyed her bottle after that we watched Lion King until it was time for bed. Half way through I got a text message,

"Can you come on Skype?"

I answered "Later. x"

"No now! I can't wait, Salmone will be home soon. xx"

I got up and left Amber watching the others, grabbing my Laptop I headed out to the balcony. I logged on and connected to her straight away. It was so good to see her, I reached out and touched her picture, and she smiled. We sat there for a while just looking at each other, enjoying the view. I thanked her for the gifts, they were perfect. The soft toy was sat on the balcony keeping her spot warm, she laughed about that saying that she better be willing to give it next month. With that she stood up and walked away from the camera so that I could see her whole body, she was naked except for the underwear I had sent. She had a mischievous smile on her face as she turned around showing me this masterpiece from every side. "You like?" was her only comment. "More than I could ever tell you." At that Amber came outside, I turned the laptop away from her, naked Alex was not something that I wanted her to see. She had Lilly in her arms, she was crying. I took her from Amber and said that I would be back in in a moment. Amber told me that the others were already sleeping. I glanced back at the screen on my laptop; Alex had put her dressing gown on, more the pity. We said our goodbyes and promised to speak again soon.

It took a while for me to settle Lilly and after settling her in the cot in my room I returned to see Roshan and Cyrus curled up. Kerry was picking Amber up around 10pm, a little late for a week day but it wasn't like we did this every day. We had been sat at the kitchen table talking since I had returned from the balcony, my goddaughter had questions. I tried to answer them as truthfully as possible without saying too much. I didn't want to lie to her. I received several text messages during our conversation and she asked if it was the same person that I was talking to over the internet. I answered yes and no, a few were from Salmone.

Left alone with 3 sleeping children, the house was peaceful. I feel into a restful sleep after having the best Valentine's Day ever. I had my kids, I'd seen my girl and I knew it would not be too long until I would be able to hold her near my heart.


	9. Chapter 9

The last 3 weeks have been amazing, having Alex here, living together has been more than I could hope for. She had decided that spending 6 weeks in a hotel was something she wasn't interested in so she had arrange to rental car so that she could make the hour's drive to work in peace and spend the free time she had in her favourite spot, my balcony. We had been like a normal couple, eating breakfast and dinner together, curling up on the sofa watching evening television… The gloom from her last visit seemed like a distant memory, we had talked about it a few times but not with the sorrow or despair that had been there the last time we were together.

We had even been able to celebrate her birthday in person. It was hard for her without her daughter. She didn't want anything big so we went to my aunt's restaurant for dinner the night before and enjoyed a romantic dinner. We stayed up all night in a state of mind - blowing bliss and celebrated the moment the clock stroke 12.00am with a bottle of Champagne. The crew had planned to take her out for her birthday so that evening she had a few drinks with them before heading home back into my loving arms.

We had also survived a family breakfast. There were a lot of questions in the beginning but as the 2nd pot of tea was delivered to the table everyone seemed to settle down. The whole family had grown up watching the BBC so Alex's face was nothing new apart from that it was sat on the picnic table in my mum's garden. Cyrus had taken to her straight away sitting on her knee, calling her Auntie and pulling on her curls. She looked total at peace with him; I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

We weren't public but we also weren't hiding it from the people who were important to us, well at least the people that were important to me. Other than Matt no one from Alex's private life seemed to know exactly who I was, I know that she had told her sister that she was seeing someone but it was complicated. I knew her concern was not so much what everyone else would say rather what they would say to her daughter. It didn't bother me all that much, I had her and when I looked into her eyes the whole world disappeared anyway.

Things were about to change, Alex's daughter was arriving this morning; I was nervous, excited, happy and sad all at the same time. Alex still didn't know about the phone calls and text messages and as we drove to the airport I wondered if I she tell her. She was so excited to see her daughter, she couldn't sit still. The plan was that while Salmone was here they would stay in a rented cottage in Wales and they would spend the long weekend in Surry with Alex's family. I was to join them on Easter Monday. After 3 weeks of having her to myself I wasn't looking forward to sharing her but I knew that if we were going to be together then this week had to go well.

Although Alex's work was important to her nothing was more important than Salmone. I knew if she said that she didn't want Alex to go away she would stay in LA. I also knew that if Salmone didn't take to me that would probably end the relationship.

We arrived and stood in the arrivals lounge waiting for her heart to be complete. Salmone's plane had been 20 minutes delayed and I thought Alex was going to burst as she waited; she wasn't the most patient women. I pulled her into me, whispering that she'll be out soon. She laid her head onto my shoulder and explained that she knew that but, she couldn't wait much longer. She remained there in a half embrace until she saw her daughter's face. She ran to her and throws her arms around her the same way she had done to me in Euston. They both approached me with matching smiles; I beamed back, enjoying seeing the woman of my dreams so happy. Alex introduced me and Salmone smiled, a little unsure how to act. I took hold of her hand saying that it was lovely to finally meet her and that her mum had told me so much about her. She seemed to relax at that point knowing that I hadn't told her mum about the contact that we had had. We walked to the car both of them talking excitedly about what they had planned for the next two weeks. I stopped to pay for the parking and Salmone stayed with me as her mum carried the suitcase to the car. I told her not to worry, Alex knew nothing, and would never hear it from me. Salmone thanked me not only for that but also for making her mum so happy. Turning and seeing Alex grinning in our direction I corrected Salmone and informed her that that smile had nothing to do with me, that was all her.

We drove down to the cottage talking and laughing, the two of them enjoying each other and I enjoyed being a part of it. By the time we arrived in Wales you would not have noticed that this was the first time I had met Salmone. Alex left to get some shopping in, she had been staying with me and there was nothing in the fridge, Salmone didn't seem to register that her mum had not been staying there the whole time she was in England. We had moved her stuff down the day before, with the plan that I would be around but I was not staying with them. Alex didn't want us to be apart, she also didn't want Salmone to know so for the next 2 weeks we would just be 2 good friends. By the time Alex returned, Salmone had given in to the jetlag and decided to try out her new bed. We agreed that she should sleep until lunch and busied ourselves in the kitchen. We packed the shopping away and then, with a fresh made teapot, went and sat outside in the small garden.

As soon as we were outside, I set the pot down and took her into my arms, kissing her softly and unrushed, enjoying the sensation. I wanted to commit the feeling of her body to memory as I knew that this type of contact was not going to happen as much as we both wanted. I could feel her enjoyment and pleasure caused by my actions and I continued more fiercely, one hand in her hair the other touching lower and lower. She pulled my hand away, telling me not to start something that we couldn't finish; I smiled and lowered myself onto the bench. She straddled me, grinding our hot spots briefly together, teasing me. I moaned out of disappointment as she removes herself, grinning at the obvious pleasure I had felt. Pleased with herself, she poured the tea and settled into my arm, enjoying the warm sea air.

The weekend flew by so quickly, not that we did much. Saturday I left after lunch so that Alex could rebounded with her daughter, it was hard leaving them but I also didn't want to rush it.

Sunday I arrived before Salmone had woken up. Alex and I had planned that I would come down early and spend the whole day with them. I arrived around 7am and let myself in with the spare key she had given me. The house was so quiet, I crept up to her bedroom and opened the door slightly to check that she was alone. I moved as quietly as I could not wanted to disturb her, she looked so beautiful and at peace. I sat down onto the bed, leaning over kissing her softly. She moaned and continued sleeping, I curled up next to her under the covers. She must have sense me as she rolled into my side, sliding her leg on to mine and nuzzling her face into me. I lay there playing gently with her hair. Her smell filled the room, I had missed that last night, in my apartment was somewhat colder when I arrived home yesterday. Alex started to stir after a while, waking with a smile on her face as she realised that I was there. We enjoyed having each other so close again and after hearing Salmone moving in the bathroom we begrudgingly parted. I wanted so much more but I understood that this was how it had to be.

I started to make tea as Alex made pancakes for breakfast. Salmone joined us almost immediately kissing her mum good morning. She walked over to where I was standing, and kissed me good morning as well. I was a little taken a back but Alex smiled. We ate breakfast outside, enjoying the morning sunshine and sea air. I couldn't help grinning like an idiot as I watched Alex and her daughter, I was happy to be a part of it. Alex went to clear the plates and Salmone turned to me. I could see she wanted to say something. She opened her mouth but nothing came out, closing it again she looked straight in my eyes trying to find the words to express what was in her mind. I sat still looking straight back at her, giving her the time to give her thoughts words. Eventually she just said, "You're good to Mom" I smiled and added that she was good to me as well. I could see that she wanted to say more, but she wasn't sure. "Will you ever tell her?" was the next thing to come out of her mouth after a long pause "No" was my answer "You should, but when you are ready. She doesn't need to know". She seemed to relax a little at that and we continued talking about what she was going to do this week while her mum was still filming. Alex had to work till Thursday, so Salmone would go to work with her and spend time on the set, playing with cast when she can and reading. She explained that she loved reading and that there wasn't much else to do on set. It didn't seem to bother her, she was used to it. As Alex re-joined us she asked if I would be coming down for lunch when mummy was working. Before I could answer Alex said that that probably wouldn't be possible as I had to work and it was a long drive to get here. I added that we could look into it.

We spent the rest of the day walking, eating and swimming. We took a picnic down to the beach, although it wasn't as warm as LA Salmone wanted to go down and swim. I sat with Alex watching Salmone from a far as she swam and played with some other kids that looked about her age. I could tell that Alex had something on her mind and as soon as Salmone was out of earshot I asked her what was in her head. She smiled and said that she didn't think it was fair on me that I had to keep driving to and fro. I didn't answer, just continued smiling at her. I wasn't sure if this was one of those times where she just needed to say what she thought or if I was supposed to respond. She continued telling me that I didn't need to indulge her daughter's every wish, she would understand. I pulled her close so that I could whisper in her ear not because people would hear but because I wanted to feel her close to me, I explained to her that this was the first time I had meet her daughter and that I wanted to make a good impression plus if I come down for lunch I could see more of her, a win win situation. I felt her breathing hitch a little. She kissed my check gently, telling me she wished she could show me her appreciation. The day was wonderful, just the 3 of us. Salmone asked questions constantly and by the time we returned to the cottage she knew everything about my family, my life before Alex and my work. As soon as we returned back to the cottage and I started cooking. It was an automatic reaction; I tended to do the lion share of the cooking when we were at home. Salmone just smiled, I explained that I would cook tonight to give Alex a break as she would be doing the cooking all week. She seemed to realise that something was going on as her mum had not questioned my being in the kitchen. She didn't say anything she just moved over and started stirring the pot on the stove as I throw the ingredients into the pot. Alex sat at the kitchen table with a glass of wine smiling at her daughter helping me. As I lent over to check that everything was as it should be, Salmone whispered that she thought that I should stay the night. I was a little shocked and just looked at her. She added that her mum would like that and she didn't mind. I smiled and answered that I couldn't as I had work in the morning.

The dinner table was loud, full of love and laughter, Alex looked as she couldn't have been happier and I couldn't have either. As the sun started to set, Salmone excused herself she wanted to ring her dad, I was secretly glad to have a few moments with Alex alone. We went and sat outside so that we would not be heard but also to give Salmone space to talk without being heard. I curled up into her side as we sat on the bench and watching the sun drift behind the trees. We both knew that I would soon have to leave but neither of us wanted to voice it. I placed soft kisses on the neck and collarbone basically anywhere I could, her hand on my thigh softly drawing patterns.

I had never been in a relationship like this, she was different from anyone that I had been with before. There were the obvious differences but the things I noticed was that we talked so much more when we were apart and when we were together there was a comfortable silence. There was no need to do anything and that was everything to us. Her private life was important to her but more it was important that it stayed private. She wasn't willing to share more than she had to with the rest of the world.

We hadn't been cuddling for long when we heard Salmone shout from the door. As soon as we hear her voice we sat upright, not wanting her daughter to find us, she didn't come out she just said good night. There was something in her voice, Alex heard it straight away. We had expected a good half an hour before she would be joining us and suddenly she was heading up. I told Alex to go and see what had happened, I would wait. It was getting late but I didn't want to leave her. I decided to have a smoke while I waited. Alex was on at me to quit and I had cut down a lot when she is around but when I was on my own I feel into old habits. After 10 minutes Alex came back out saying she wouldn't talk to her, something had upset her but all she would say is that she was tried. Looking into her eyes I could see pain and confusion clouding those brilliant green eyes that I so loved. I stood up and said that I would try. All I got was a small smile, she wasn't sure I would get anywhere and didn't know if it was a good idea to push it.

I knocked on her bedroom door, and was told to go away she was fine but wanted to sleep. I answered saying that you should never go to sleep crying, as you would wake up with a heavy head. There was no response from that so I asked if I could come in. After a while I heard her sniff a yes. I found her sat on the bed hugging her pillow, not even trying to look like things were alright. I sat in front of her and asked what had happened. Nothing was her first answer, but after a while she started to open up. Her dad had had no time to speak to her, when she rang her mum regardless to what time mum always had time but he just brushed her off saying he was having lunch in a restaurant with the girlfriend and he would ring her when she woke. I listened to her talk about the girlfriend and how her dad didn't want to hear what she was doing away from him not that the way mum did. I let her talk herself out, she was just like Alex, when she was finished I offered my thoughts. I didn't know her dad but I knew how hard it was for Alex when she rang. Alex loved hearing her daughter's voice and always wanted to hear her happy but putting the phone down was sometimes heart breaking. She smiled at hearing this and commented that she felt the same. I continued suggesting that perhaps her dad wants her to just enjoy the short time she will have with her mum and maybe that was why he cut it short. I don't think she bought it but it calmed her down. I asked her to come back down and have a drink with us before I drove home, Alex was making cookies. She said no she wanted to write some emails, but I was to save her some. I grinned and left her to it.

Alex was in the kitchen which smelt of fresh baked cookies, she was bending over putting another batch in the oven as I came down. I stood watching for a moment, enjoying the view. She saw me and asked if she was alright. I said she was writing emails. Alex looked at me as if to say that wasn't what I asked. I explained that we were to save some cookies. The look I got was hard to avoid, I walked to her and kissed her, and said that when her daughter was ready she would talk to her. I didn't like hiding things from her but I didn't want to betray Salmone's trust. Once the cookies were finished we sat on the sofa, watching TV. Slowly I felt Alex's curls push up against me as she rested her head on my shoulder; I slide my hand onto her thigh gently caressing her through her jeans. I caught myself drifting off and realised that I need to leave now otherwise I would never make it home. I lowered my head, and whispered to Alex that I needed to go home and she had to be up early for work. "Don't leave me" was all I got in return from her. I told her that I had to but I would be back. She opened her eyes and smiled saying today was lovely and she didn't want it to end. I kissed her again, pushing her upright so that as we parted I could stand up. I knew I was in danger of not leaving. Leaving her on the sofa, I stood and gathered my things, readying myself for the long driver home. We walked to my car hand in hand, talking quietly about when I would be back down. I suggested that I should stay in Manchester tomorrow giving her time with her daughter and I would see her on Tuesday. She agreed, but didn't look happy about it. Since she had been back in England we hadn't had a day where we hadn't seen each other but with her daughter being there things had changed. We kissed goodnight, lingering as long as we could before I got into my car and drove away. As promised I texted her to say I had reached home safely but there came no reply, not that I expected one. I slept peacefully with thoughts of my beautiful lover, her sweet teenager and the wonderful cottage near the beach.

_**Note from AEK **__**- It's been a while but for the few people following this, it will continue. Merry Christmas and thank you for following, liking and reviewing.**_


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